


Uncooperative Testing

by Shadow_Side



Series: The Eye And The Aperture [4]
Category: Portal (Video Game), Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Crossover, F/F, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-05
Updated: 2013-12-05
Packaged: 2018-01-03 14:26:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 29,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1071532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadow_Side/pseuds/Shadow_Side
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carlos gets a double and GLaDOS gets an old friend. Neither is pleased – and science is to blame.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Uncooperative Testing

**Author's Note:**

> Trilogies may be the new black but quadrilogies are the new pink, even if I did just have to teach that word to my spell-checker. ('Quadrilogies.' Not 'pink.')
> 
> Many thanks once again to Davechicken for the beta, and for putting up with my ongoing obsession with this lot. And also now for the next of these fabulous banners!
> 
>  

It's late evening in Desert Bluffs.

Kevin, local radio personality and all-around super-nice guy, walks home through the gathering darkness, humming an ancient oblivion-summoning song to himself as he goes.

He's had a pretty swell day. It's true, yesterday wasn't so great – given that Strex Corp's grand master plan to unite Desert Bluffs with its mirror twin Night Vale failed in spectacular fashion as the result of some over-zealous science and a previously undiscovered element of impressive power. Kevin had been behind the plan one hundred and ten percent and had been thrilled to be asked to take the lead in completing it – which means its subsequent failure is all the more riling.

Of course, you can't let a thing like that spoil your day, and Kevin certainly hasn't! With the power restored by early morning, he's done his show, relating his adventure to the people of his wonderful town – but, of course, only in as much detail as Strex were happy with – and now he's on his way home. The light of the sunset glows on the ground, glittering on the walls of the buildings, and Kevin marvels – as always – at how perfect Desert Bluffs is.

His phone buzzes and he pulls it from his pocket – seeing that it's another message from Steve, and smiling to himself as he replies. They've been texting back and forth all day, and Kevin wonders where it's all heading. It's certainly going to be fun finding out… and it does mean that the previous night's ultimately disastrous series of events hasn't been a total loss. He may not have managed to make all of Night Vale into Desert Bluffs, but he does now have a Night Valean friend, and there's a certain poetic element to that.

Kevin makes it home, fixes himself some dinner, and before long he's settled in his front room, enjoying a nice glass of _Chateau de la Nuit_ wine (a rare vintage that a friend in Strex middle-management fixes him up with from time to time in exchange for the occasional favour) and still texting Steve.

They appear to have a date next week, which is all kinds of exciting and Kevin wonders if he ought to make a few small offerings to Azatothoth, just to make sure it all goes well. He's midway through reminding himself to maybe _not_ mention this part to Steve just yet when there's a heavy knock at his door.

Odd… he isn't expecting anyone, and it's fully dark outside now, and Desert Bluffs is just not a place you go wandering around at night… certainly not since the incident. But, after a pause, the knocking comes again, and with a curious smile Kevin slips his phone away, puts down his glass, and heads over to open the door.

And he freezes, staring in shock at the figure standing on the threshold: a man, with golden skin and amazing hair, and eyes as dark as the void of space. A man all-too familiar and yet… subtly different at the same time.

A man who shouldn't exist.

"Wow," Kevin breathes, awestruck. "You're… _perfect_."

***

Cecil awakes to find warm sunlight streaming in through a gap in the curtains. He rolls onto his side with a little smile, reaching out for Carlos… only to find the other half of the bed empty.

Blinking, he looks around. He's at Carlos' place, curled up in his bed, but the other man is nowhere to be seen and – given the lack of promising sounds coming from out in the kitchen – it's probably not because he's snuck off to make them breakfast.

Odd.

Cecil clambers out of bed, slipping on a dressing gown and wandering sleepily into the central room of Carlos' apartment, but there's still no sign of the man. There are, however, telling sounds coming from the door out in the hall, which leads to the lab, so he heads over and – cautiously – steps inside.

Carlos is indeed here, pacing up and down in front of his blackboard with a piece of chalk in one hand, occasionally stopping to scrawl something else amidst the myriad of writings already covering the board. He's wearing his pyjama trousers but nothing else, which means Cecil has to pause a minute and make himself focus, because topless Carlos is very, very distracting.

"…You OK?" Cecil asks, after a moment.

Carlos jumps and looks over at him, having apparently not noticed him come in. "Oh, Cecil, hey. I didn't wake you, did I?"

"No, no, it's fine. Are you all right?"

"Uh… no. Well, technically yes, but no, so…"

It's a long time since Cecil has seen the man this flustered – certainly not since the incident with the energy ball and the sentient lightning (that was a weird date) – and he paces carefully closer, glancing between Carlos and the slightly insane-looking chalkboard in concern. "What is it?" he asks.

"I just… I was doing some thinking, like I do, and I had this sort of vague idea which seemed ridiculous, but I decided to check it out just to be on the safe side, and it turns out I was kind of right and that's really, really bad, and…"

"Hey," Cecil says, more worried now, grasping Carlos' shoulders in an attempt to get him to stand still. "What's gotten into you?"

"Cecil," Carlos replies, staring back at him, "I think we may have broken reality a little."

"…Broken reality?"

"Yeah. Well, I say 'we,' but it wasn't really our fault, but…"

The light starts to dawn, even though Cecil now wishes it wouldn't. "Oh. Oh. You mean… you mean the Augmentor, don't you?"

Carlos nods. "Yes."

"But… we destroyed it."

"We did," Carlos agrees. "And it's gone. But… that thing was operational for at least a moment or two before it got blown up. And I think… I think it may have done something… It was just a vague idea at first and given that most things seem perfectly normal I was almost ready to discount it, but I called GLaDOS just to be on the safe side and…"

"You called GLaDOS?"

"Yeah. I thought maybe we could talk scientist to scientist and she'd threaten my life less."

"And?"

"No joy. Apparently the molecular disintegration thing is going well, though."

"Oh… good. So what did you talk about?"

"Well," Carlos goes on, "I asked her if anything weird had happened since the Augmentor."

"And has it?"

Carlos looks more worried again. "Maybe… you'd better hear this from her yourself."

He pulls out his phone, clicks it onto speaker and hits the redial. "I borrowed your phone earlier to get her number," he explains, "which was a little tricky because it _isn't_ actually a number… but I made it work in the end."

Before Cecil can reply, the call connects. "…Please tell me you have news," comes GLaDOS' voice, sounding utterly resigned.

"Uh, maybe a little," Carlos replies. "First… Cecil's here now, so… tell him what happened?"

GLaDOS sighs. She sounds about ready to fling _herself_ into a fire pit, and that's a little alarming all on its own. "Fine," she replies. "So. I was just starting to enjoy you all not being around and letting science get back to normal, when I discovered something very unwelcome had happened…"

"Hey," comes a voice Cecil doesn't recognise: a male voice with a weird accent. "You know, words hurt."

"Fire hurts too," GLaDOS snaps. "Now be quiet, you little idiot, and let me–"

"I really do think we should just let bygones be bygones and enjoy the fact that–"

" _Quiet_! So, as I was saying, something _very_ unwelcome has happened."

"Who's there with you?" Cecil asks, confused.

GLaDOS sighs again. "The very unwelcome thing," she says. "A while back, Chell and I had an incident with… he's a personality core, OK?"

"A personality core?"

"Yes. They can be attached to my mainframe, to alter my behaviour, but they can also exist independently. _Some better than others!_ "

"Hey, I _ran_ this facility once!" the male voice retorts, but still in the same kind of unnecessarily chipper tone that wouldn't be at all out of place in Desert Bluffs.

"Yes, and you nearly _burned it to the ground_!" GLaDOS throws back. "So anyway, long story short, we ended up jettisoning this _defective_ core into space. Except now… he's back."

"Just like that?" Cecil says, confused.

"Just like that," GLaDOS replies. "He has all his memories of what happened, but apparently one moment he was floating in space and the next… he was back here, powering up on his management rail somewhere deep down in the facility. I didn't realise until he barged into my control chamber this morning, but given how long it took him to get up here, I'm pretty certain he appeared the night before last. Right about the time you and your weird double were fighting over who got to decide the nature of reality. Right about the time you activated that _Black Mesa thing_."

"So… you think it started to take effect before we blew it up?"

"Not… exactly," Carlos replies, waving at the chalkboard as if there were some hope of Cecil actually understanding anything that's written on it. "Night Vale and Desert Bluffs are still as separate as two linked, mirror towns can be, but there have been some… reality disturbances. Like this core reappearing in Aperture despite having been jettisoned into space."

"Spaaaaaaaace!" comes yet another voice from the other end of the phone.

GLaDOS groans. "Seriously, could someone please just ask Chell to come kill me again? I can't take this anymore."

"There's more than one of them?" Cecil asks.

"Sure is!" comes the very chipper voice. "There's me – I'm Wheatley – and then there's my good mate, the Space Core."

"Spaaaaaace!" the other voice declares again. "Where's space? All gone, space? Can't see the stars, can't see the moon, poor moon, sometimes it vanishes, very sad. Space. Space. Spaaaaaace!"

"I mean it," GLaDOS interjects. "Just come kill me yourselves, I don't care anymore. I'll even turn the missile turrets off to make it easier."

"I don't think things are quite that bad, yet… surely?" Cecil says, but he's glancing at Carlos, who looks worried again.

"Well… GLaDOS' houseguests aside, we do have a larger problem," Carlos goes on. "This isn't the only reality ripple that's been noticed. After I spoke to GLaDOS earlier this morning, I did some research online, and there's at least a dozen reports of other lost or – in some cases – _dead_ individuals suddenly reappearing with no idea as to how they came back. Most of them are lost pets, but a guy called Peter Oldroyd over in the Desert Creek development claims his former girlfriend Melissa reappeared that night, despite having disappeared more than a year ago following the Pentacle Incident."

Carlos flips the blackboard over, revealing a map drawn on the other side – a map of Night Vale and Desert Bluffs, with the locations of all the reports marked in blue.

"You see?" he goes on. "There's a pattern to it…"

He starts connecting the incidents according to severity and – as he does – Cecil realises what he's getting at. The lines form curves, like the ripples on a pond when a stone is dropped into the water and – in the same way – they can be tracked back to an epicentre.

"That's the Black Mesa facility, isn't it?" Cecil says, as Carlos marks the epicentre with a red cross.

"Yes," the other man replies. "It looks like the Augmentor had something of an effect after all."

"But… if it was supposed to merge the two towns, why did it just bring lost things back?"

Carlos shrugs. "I don't know. I think it might be something to do with the fact that it was powered by a miniature black hole instead of a miniature star. Black holes are _weird_ enough as it is. But what worries me most of all is that the ripples of greatest severity were centred on Desert Bluffs… and I don't know what effect they might have had."

"Surely that's their problem, though?" Cecil reasons.

"Well, for now it is," Carlos agrees. "But if something's been returned or created over there that we can't yet predict… it might end up being our problem before long."

"So… what can we do?"

"Fix it!" GLaDOS interjects. "You and those Black Mesa idiots broke reality, so you can put it right again!"

"But how?" Cecil asks.

Carlos shrugs. "Good question. That's as far as I've gotten."

Cecil headtilts. "What does Chell have to say about all this?"

"She's _out_ ," GLaDOS replies, now sounding even more sullen. "She's gone to see that _Black Mesa hussy_ again. Apparently they're… _gal pals_ now." It sounds as though the term is physically painful to say.

"So… what, they've gone shopping or something?" Cecil asks, finding the image a little hard to imagine.

"Please," says GLaDOS, flatly, "they've gone to ride the rollercoasters at something called 'Six Flags Desert Springs,' and then apparently they're going to a shooting range."

"…Sounds more like Chell," Cecil replies, grinning. "Desert Springs is fun, although I do hope they avoid the Hall of Mirrors. Apparently people get lost in it for days sometimes, and finally emerge with stories of a shadowed, twisted landscape and a tumultuous ocean…"

"If she loses that _Mish_ girl in there, I'll take the risk," GLaDOS answers, darkly.

"Wow, I sure did miss a lot," comes Wheatley's voice again. "How long have I been in orbit, anyway?"

"Orbit? Orbit? Orbit space, planets and space, go to space, went to space, so much space, very dark and timeless, greatest adventure ever, space, spaaaaaaace…"

"…Just call me if you work out how to fix this mess," GLaDOS groans, and hangs up.

"So… ah, did that answer your question?" Carlos says to Cecil, looking over at him with worried eyes.

Cecil walks closer, wanting to be supportive – and also wanting to pull the other man into a hug again, because topless Carlos really is so hard to resist. "Kind of," he says.

"I need to look into it more," Carlos goes on, though he curls gratefully into the hug. "Can you do a segment on it during the show today? Ask people to call in if they've noticed anything weird?"

"Absolutely," Cecil promises. "You know how I like to help the furtherance of science. Speaking of which… how's about I make _you_ breakfast this morning? It is still Cookery Week, after all."

Carlos looks grateful. "Please," he replies. "I should go over some of these equations again…"

Cecil kisses him on the shoulder. "Don't work too hard," he says.

"…No promises," Carlos answers, with a little grin.

***

 _"…In other news, listeners, Night Vale Cookery Week continues apace, with festivities happening all across our little town. A bake sale will be taking place in the forbidden Dog Park from 7pm tonight. All citizens are reminded that people – and dogs – are not allowed in the Dog Park. Do not think about the Dog Park for too long and under no circumstances attempt to attend the planned bake sale unless accompanied by a hooded figure… and if you_ are _accompanied by a hooded figure, I can only recommend that you run, fast, in the opposite direction. Return to your home and take refuge in a closet or storage chest and recite the words to a favourite childhood nursery rhyme until the danger passes."_

_"And now: traffic. We're getting multiple reports of congestion on the Eastern Expressway following a fault with the lights at several intersections. Eyewitnesses report that vehicles close to the lights when they turn red are experiencing one or more of the following issues: inaccurate speedometer readings, tyre disagreements, and combustion. Vehicles close to the lights when they turn green are reportedly levitating, which is causing additional issues if these vehicles were previously on fire due to proximity to an earlier red light. Citizens are advised to take alternative routes as the problems have also affected several fire trucks dispatched to the scene."_

_"Now, listeners, for an important public service announcement on behalf of_ science _. Carlos – my lovely, perfect Carlos – is currently investigating some incredibly complex issues that may have arisen as a result of the… incident… I described yesterday. At present there is no cause for alarm, but we would be grateful if any eagle-eyed listeners could call in to the studio if they have experienced any of the following since Tuesday night: the reappearance of people, pets or objects that have been missing for some time, or the return to life of people or pets previously believed to be deceased, but not in the form of zombies, ghosts, or the walking dead – we'll deal with_ those _reports in a day or so. If you have noticed any of these things, or you have anything else that you think might be connected to these weird occurrences, please contact the studio, and we will ensure that all the information is passed on to the community's most dedicated scientific mind… but only_ after _he puts a shirt on, because I just_ cannot _concentrate when he's… ah, I mean… and now, a message from our sponsor!"_

Cecil clicks over to the pre-recorded segment, and is about to pull out his phone and ring his favourite sometimes-shirtless scientist when the door to the booth opens and a young man looks in. "Uh… Cecil, there's someone here to see you," he says.

"OK, I… wait, have we met?"

"Oh, sorry, I'm Dustin, your new intern."

"Ah. What happened to Sunita?"

"Er, that's sort of a thing, actually," Dustin answers. "You know how you were just talking about stuff re-appearing that was gone before? Well… yesterday something re-appeared in the break room."

"…It wasn't a coffee machine, was it?" Cecil asks, the light dawning.

"I'm afraid it was," Dustin replies. "It ate Sunita, two chairs, and a potted plant that Station Management seems _quite_ upset about losing."

"I see," Cecil says. "Well… put some of that warning tape up around it and I'll get Carlos to come check it out again when we're done with this other thing. So… there's someone here to see me?"

"Hm? Oh, yes. He's at reception now. Says he knows you."

"Did he give a name?"

"No. He just said he needed to see you."

"What does he look like?"

Dustin shrugs. "He's a dude. Nothing really remarkable. Except… he's got this _weird_ hat made of tinfoil."

Cecil drops his head forward onto the desk in resignation. " _Steve Carlsberg_!"

***

Moments after setting the sound board over to an extended commercial break, Cecil arrives at reception, where Steve Carlsberg is indeed waiting for him, arms folded, looking like he's just discovered the moon landings _weren't_ faked.

"What is it?" Cecil says to him. "I'm in the middle of a very important broadcast."

" _What did you do_?" Steve growls at once, perhaps more annoyed than Cecil has ever seen the guy.

"What do you mean, what did I do? I didn't do anything!"

"Oh, you expect me to believe that? You're in this together, I know it, you and that _scientist_ of yours!"

This makes Cecil narrow his eyes. Personal attacks on himself, he can deal with. He's a journalist after all, and it's an occupational hazard. But he will not have people besmirching his Carlos.

"He didn't do anything either, _Steve_ ," Cecil throws back. "And I can't explain any further unless you tell me what it is you think we did that we _didn't_ do."

Steve sighs, but still looks just as wound up. "Kevin," he says.

The mere mention of the name makes Cecil worry. "What about him?"

"We were texting. All yesterday. It was going… it was going _really well_ , Cecil, OK? And we'd planned to meet up and everything and do you even _know_ how long it's been since I went on a date? And then, from out of the blue, he texts me first thing this morning and calls it off. Says he needs time to _think_."

"So?" Cecil replies. "Some people are cautious when it comes to new relationships. Sometimes… it takes them months to work out what they really want, but trust me… it's worth the wait."

"Yeah, well, if that was the end of it, maybe I could have agreed with you," Steve replies. "But it wasn't."

He sticks his hand in his pocket and pulls out a cassette tape. "You got something in this place that can play these things?"

Cecil nods – trying not to think even a little about the incident with the cassette _last_ week that he's still studiously refusing to mention in any way – and says, "Sure we do. What's on it?"

"Kevin's broadcast from this morning," Steve answers, ominously. "Welcome to Desert Bluffs."

Cecil shudders. "Fine," he says, in resignation. "In here."

He waves Steve into one of the empty broadcast booths, flicking the power on and slipping the tape into the deck… and, seconds later, _that man's_ voice cuts the air.

_"Sunlight is a hug from the morning, so think how much it must adore you when it burns. Welcome to Desert Bluffs!"_

_"Our top story: local and much-beloved mega-conglomerate Strex Corp Synernists Incorporated announced this morning that they are opening a new 'Alternate Reality Zone' at the Desert Bluffs Public Library. This zone, situated in a former reading-room on the second floor, took book-lovers and library officials by surprise by popping into existence yesterday, but Strex Corp insist the plans have been in place for some time. Visitors to the Alternate Reality Zone must first sign a standard legal disclaimer, absolving Strex Corp of any responsibility for what happens upon entering the zone, but – of course – this is just a formality as the zone is completely safe and has undergone weeks of rigorous testing prior to its unveiling. Inside the zone, visitors will be able to experience alternate versions of reality, whether this be by meeting copies of themselves from mirror universes, or entering pockets of those mirror universes where physics and biology operate_ quite _differently from how they operate here. The learning implications for our young people are wide-reaching and Desert Bluffs Elementary has already booked two separate field trips for students to visit the zone. It sure is awesome that a massive company like Strex Corp would take the time to develop and install such a valuable educational resource right here in our wonderful little town, and we can only marvel at their benevolence and mercy."_

 _"Now, an interesting piece of local news. A new man arrived in Desert Bluffs yesterday. He says he is a scientist, here to study our town as it is the most scientifically interesting community in America – isn't that wonderful? He came to see me last night in order to share with me his first findings and to enlist the help of my radio audience in furthering the progress of_ science _right here in the Bluffs. The man is named Tomas. He has golden skin and beautiful hair and is, quite literally,_ perfect _in every way. He knocked on my door and said hello… and I fell in love instantly. And so did he!"_

"You see?!" Steve exclaims, clicking the tape off and gesturing furiously at Cecil. "You see?! I don't know _what_ that boyfriend of yours is playing at _or_ why he's using an alias, but I absolutely _insist_ that you come clean with Kevin and then stop this _charade_ at once."

"Or what?" Cecil retorts, hurt by the insinuations – and deeply worried by what he's just heard. "You'll set the Illuminati on me?"

"I can't set the Illuminati on you, they're… oh, _right_ , you're messing with me again. Well, will you stop?! Isn't wrecking my one chance at happiness enough?"

"Steve, much as you are a persistent irritation in my life and something of a raging egomaniac with a persecution complex, I have better things to do than interfere in your personal affairs! Whatever's going on, it's nothing to do with me – or with my Carlos – so I suggest you… oh. _Oh_. Oh _no_."

"What?" Steve snaps, glowering at him again but clearly intrigued all the same by the sudden change of tack.

Cecil glowers just as much, as he realises that he's not going to be able to get rid of the man any time soon. Not now. Not… with what's just dawned on him. "Look," he says, "if you'd been listening to _my_ broadcast earlier, you'd know that Carlos has been investigating some weird reports that we think might be something to do with what happened two nights ago."

"…You mean that Augmentor thing?"

"Yes. Although it was destroyed, we think it might have had some effect nonetheless. You…" Oh, it hurts to suggest. "…You should come meet me again when I'm done for the day, and we can go tell Carlos what's happened."

Steve doesn't look impressed, but he nods after a moment. "Fine. I'll be back later. In the interim, I'm going over to the Public Library to look up some info on Stephen Spielberg."

"…The movie director?"

"Yes. I'm trying to prove that he is, in fact, a hyper-intelligent robot sent back in time from the twenty-seventh century."

Cecil facepalms. "See you later, Steve."

***

And so – late that afternoon – with the day's broadcast done and Steve Carlsberg in tow once more, Cecil heads back over to Carlos' place. He's called ahead, of course, warning his boyfriend that Steve is coming too and that they've got more to add to his investigations.

When they arrive, Cecil lets them in – he has his own key now, which is all kinds of wonderful and still makes him smile every time he looks at it – and calls out, "Carlos?"

"In here," Carlos replies, from – unsurprisingly – the direction of the lab.

Cecil looks at Steve. "Don't touch anything," he says, and then leads him through.

Carlos – dressed (probably for the best) and ever-perfect – is pacing up and down in front of his chalkboard again, which is now covered in even more indecipherable scrawlings. There's a collection of tubes and glassware set up on one of the workbenches, bubbling away and emitting small clouds of steam every few seconds, and a board of electrical equipment glowing and bleeping nearby.

He looks over, a harassed but relieved expression on his face. "Cecil, hey. Hey, Steve."

"Carlos," Steve replies, a little tersely.

"How's it going?" Cecil asks.

"Uh… well, not so good," Carlos replies. "GLaDOS has been on the phone a couple more times, but mostly just to complain about that guy – Wheatley – who appeared in Aperture the other night. Apparently he's driving her insane but so far she hasn't been able to get rid of him. And I've now got thirty reports of things or people reappearing all across the city."

"Make that thirty-one," Cecil says. "Our carnivorous coffee machine is back."

Carlos puts his head in his hands. "Oh, great. I'll have to come look at it once I figure out what we did to the fabric of reality."

He takes a deep breath and looks up. "OK. So. Steve, what do you have to add to this mess?"

Steve brandishes the cassette. "You got a tape deck?"

"I'm a scientist, Steve. Of course I do."

So they listen to the recording, Carlos' expression growing more and more worried with every word. He seems to think it's all about the unexplained 'Alternate Reality Zone,' so when it gets on to the whole thing with Tomas, his eyes go wide.

When Steve finally clicks the tape off, all Carlos can do is stare. "He… I mean… I…"

" _He blew me off_!" Steve exclaims. "Things were going so well and then he blew me off and I have to find out _on the freaking radio_ that it's because he's met the world's most _perfect_ man. What did you do?!"

But still, all Carlos can do is stare, as if he's had one of those errors that makes your computer screen turn blue and you lose the entire editorial on the metaphysical implication of centaurs that you were writing because you forgot to hit save. Cecil moves defensively between Carlos and Steve, glowering all the more. "This wasn't us, _Steve_ ," he says. "That's what Carlos was trying to tell you. This was the _Augmentor_ , and we're still trying to make sense of it, and…"

"…I have a double," Carlos whispers.

Cecil turns to look at him, eyes full of concern. "It appears so," he replies, softly.

"It… the Augmentor… it must have… created him. I knew the effects would be more intense in Desert Bluffs, but it never occurred to me that they would be…"

Cecil grips his boyfriend's hands. "It's OK," he says. "We can deal with this. Trust me."

But it's hard to deny he's been shaken all day – ever since Steve first played him that tape. Ever since he first had to contend with the reality that Carlos… has a double now. He wonders if this is how his boyfriend felt on first meeting Kevin.

If so, he sympathises.

"So… what do we do?" he asks, after a moment – partly because he wants to know, and partly because he hopes giving Carlos something to focus on will help.

"I'm not sure," Carlos admits. "I mean… technically… there's nothing we _can_ do. If these people and things exist again… then they exist. I don't have any evidence to suggest that they pose a danger to the nature of reality or to the relationship between Night Vale and Desert Bluffs. They just… they exist, now."

"But what about Kevin?!" Steve exclaims, still very much missing the point. "What am I supposed to do about the fact that he's now _infatuated_ with… with the other you?!"

"You could try having a civilised conversation with him instead of just obsessing over what he said on the radio," Cecil points out, tersely.

"Oh, great, Cecil, I _never thought of that_!" Steve retorts, voice dripping with sarcasm. "I'll just wander on over to Desert Bluffs, the town drenched in blood and ancient curses, and ask your demon-summoning double why he _ditched me_!"

"…Does anyone else think it's weird that Steve expects Cecil to solve his relationship problems with his own double but at no point acknowledges the fact that he's attracted to someone who looks _exactly the same_?!" Carlos exclaims.

Both Cecil and Steve fall silent and stare at him.

Carlos facepalms. "…I need a drink," he mutters.

Cecil puts a cautious hand on his shoulder. "I'll go make us some coffee."

***

A few minutes later, they're all sitting in awkward silence around Carlos' kitchen table, drinking mugs of coffee and studiously not saying a word. After several over-fast sips, Cecil finally pauses to say something, but is interrupted by his phone ringing. He pulls it out and clicks it onto speaker. "Hello?"

"Hello?" comes a male voice with a weird accent. Wheatley. "Are you those friends of _hers_?"

"You mean GLaDOS?" Cecil replies. "I wouldn't say friends. More like…"

"…potential-victims-slash-associates-in-science?" Carlos suggests.

"Yes," Cecil goes on.

"Oh, that's great!" Wheatley exclaims. "It only took me like four _thousand_ tries to get this thing to connect. So, you're her… science… people?"

"…Yes," Cecil says again, now a little confused and somewhat suspicious. "Why?"

"Well, see, there's a thing," Wheatley goes on. "I didn't want her to know about it in case it led to problems because I know how she gets when she's got access to _dangerous_ resources like turrets and neurotoxin… but, when I was making my way up to her control chamber after I reappeared down here the other night, I sort of… found… something…"

There's a pause, and then Carlos facepalms. "…It's not a miniature star, is it?" he says.

"A what?" Wheatley replies. "How would that even work? No, it's not a miniature star."

Carlos seems to brighten. "Oh. Oh, good. Well, what is it?"

"Well, to be honest… I'm not sure," Wheatley admits. "I mean, science was never my strong point, but I've picked up one or two things over the years, if I do say so myself. But this… I don't know what this is."

"Try describing it?" Cecil suggests, starting to see why GLaDOS finds Wheatley so annoying.

"Oh, oh right, I can do that," Wheatley replies. "Well. It's… it's a sort of ball, about the size of a melon… one of the big kinds of melon, not those little diddly ones… and it's purple. I wanted to try to get hold of it so I could use it to break a window for… uh… complicated hacking purposes… but it was out in the middle of a massive chamber and I couldn't get to it."

Carlos' head drops forward onto the tabletop in utter resignation. "Is it hanging in midair without any obvious cause as to how?" he asks.

"Yes!" Wheatley exclaims. "Yes, you got it in one."

Carlos doesn't lift his head. "It's the Star Seed. The Augmentor brought back the Star Seed. What do I have to do to get rid of that thing?! Seriously! I can't take much more of this!"

Cecil reaches over to grip his hand sympathetically. He's just about to speak again when another voice cuts him off.

"…You?" It's GLaDOS. "What are you doing, you little idiot? Are you using my complicated telecommunications algorithms to contact those maniacs on the surface?"

"What?" Wheatley replies. "You mean this box with two buttons on, one saying 'Call Cecil' and the other saying 'Call Carlos'?"

"Yes!" GLaDOS replies, tersely.

"…And it took him four thousand tries to get it right?" Carlos mutters, head still on the tabletop.

"Look, never mind your misuse of company property," GLaDOS goes on. "Is that them?"

"Yes, GLaDOS, it's us," Cecil cuts in. "And Steve. You remember Steve? He's upset because Carlos has a double now and my double ditched him for Carlos' double, and if this gets any more awkward we are all going to end up on an episode of the Jerry Springer show."

"Please kill me," Carlos mutters, lifting his head just long enough to down a large amount of his coffee, before letting his head drop again.

"Your complex and tedious love lives are of no interest to me," GLaDOS insists, although there's an edge to her voice that makes Cecil sure she's lying, and is in fact only minutes away from the sentient AI equivalent of grabbing the popcorn and settling down to watch the chaos. "Now be quiet whilst I ruthlessly interrogate this _dangerous charlatan_ who once tried to consign me to existence as a potato!"

"Wait, that was him?" Cecil replies. "I thought it was Chell!"

"She helped!" GLaDOS says. "But it was mostly _him_!"

There's a couple of odd noises in the background, some electrical crackling, and then Wheatley lets out a sound that's half-girly scream and half-hysterical laughter. "Stop that! Stop it, it tickles! You don't have to ruthlessly interrogate me! I told you, I had a lot of time to think in deep space and I'm _reformed_ now!"

"No one is convinced," GLaDOS replies. "You and that astronomically-obsessed freak…"

"…Spaaaaace!" says another voice – obviously the Space Core – in the background. "Space. Space. Went to space. So dark. So imposing. Saw it all. Void. Reality. Darkness. Saw a planet of awesome size lit by no sun. Steep mountains. Turbulent oceans. Scary. Existential. Prefer space."

"…are just as bad as you were before we got rid of you," GLaDOS continues, resignedly.

"Well, that's just _mean_ ," Wheatley replies. "Not even giving us a _chance_ , and… seriously, seriously, that _tickles_!"

"…Would you two prefer to be alone?" Carlos asks. He hasn't raised his head again yet and Cecil is starting to worry.

"I would very much prefer to be alone!" GLaDOS answers. "Unfortunately, _he_ is here, and he won't tell me what he found down in the facility when he was wandering around back there like the moron he is!"

"But I will tell you!" Wheatley insists. "You just didn't let me get to it!"

GLaDOS sighs. "Fine. Then talk. Before I decide to try out the molecular disintegration ray on you."

"As I was saying to your nice friends," Wheatley starts up, quickly, "I found something weird and clearly _scientific_ deep down in the facility when I was exploring."

"…It's not a miniature star, is it?" GLaDOS asks, sounding as resigned as Carlos.

"No," Wheatley replies. "But – this is so weird – that's exactly what one of your friends said!"

"I can't _imagine_ why," GLaDOS says, flatly. "So what _did_ you find?"

"Well, like I told them, it's a sort of ball about the size of a melon – one of the big kinds of melon – and it's purple. And hanging in midair."

"…Oh brother," GLaDOS sighs. "That's the Star Seed, isn't it? That insane Black Mesa contraption brought it back."

"Yep," Carlos replies, finally lifting his head. "Apparently it did. Also it created me a double."

"And restored our coffee machine that eats people."

"…I should have just deadly-lasered you two the second you first walked into my facility," GLaDOS sighs. "You've been nothing but trouble."

"Hey!" Cecil replies. "We've been helpful too! We saved you from the star, and from Strex, and from Black Mesa, and we got you and Chell together at last, and…"

"…Don't talk to me about that girl," GLaDOS sighs even more heavily. "She's still not back. I might even deadly-laser _her_ when she finally turns up."

"You people are all forgetting the most important thing!" Steve interjects, suddenly. "My first date in months is _off_ because the other party has run off with _Mr Perfect_! Also, Stephen Spielberg is a hyper-intelligent robot from the twenty- _ninth_ century – who would've thought it? – but I'll be posting about that on my blog next week…"

Carlos drops his head onto the tabletop again. Cecil pats his hand supportively and glares at Steve.

"What?!" Steve exclaims. "This is all your fault!"

"So… GLaDOS… what exactly do we do?" Cecil asks, trying to get things under control again before Carlos has a nervous breakdown, Wheatley gets himself disintegrated, or Steve gets himself slapped.

GLaDOS doesn't answer.

"…GLaDOS?" Cecil pushes.

"…We need to get rid of that Star Seed," GLaDOS mutters. "And it's in a place I can't go. And I'm not asking Chell because I'm _cross_ with her, and also she isn't here, so…"

"…So?"

GLaDOS sighs again. "Can you come get it? I wouldn't ask if you weren't _literally_ my last resort, but I really do need to get rid of the thing before Black Mesa and those awful Strex people realise it exists again. Otherwise in no time my facility will be crawling with them and they'll be threatening to rebuild the Augmentor now they have a new power source for it and… blah blah blah, etcetera. You know how it goes. You can make getting rid of it your way of apologising for how you _broke reality_ and inflicted this little idiot on me again."

"Hey!" Wheatley objects, but then collapses back into those insane giggles because GLaDOS has clearly zapped him once more.

"Hey!" Cecil also objects, but thankfully without the zapping. "We didn't do it on purpose. Kevin threatened us with a fate worse than death! And we only powered it up so we could then destroy it once and for all using Carlos' teslonium!"

"Which he _so_ should have named after me," GLaDOS points out, sullenly.

"Will. You. People. Please. _Focus_?!" Steve exclaims. "What do we do about my cancelled date?!"

Cecil is just about to reply when another ringing cuts the air – it's like the universe doesn't _want_ him to talk – and Steve jumps. "Oh," he says, fumbling in his pocket, "that's _my_ phone…"

"Are we really doing this?" GLaDOS sighs.

"Yes," says Cecil, "shush."

For once, GLaDOS doesn't argue, although Cecil suspects his name will be back at the top of her revenge list again. Well. Maybe second from the top, under Wheatley, whose sole reason for existing seems to be to make GLaDOS' life hell.

Steve, meanwhile, is staring at his phone in shock. "OhmyGod," he exclaims, without the spaces. "OhmyGod, it's him."

"Kevin?" Cecil asks, a little worried.

"Yeah."

"Put it on speaker?"

"Uhm… OK, but don't say anything…" Steve agrees, his hostility having dropped back behind the sudden anxiety. He clicks the phone onto speaker and then takes the call. "Hey…" he says, obviously trying not to sound nervous.

"Hey, it's Kevin. Look… Steve… can we talk for a moment? Man to man?"

"I'm not sure I want to talk," Steve says, the nervousness blending to hurt. "You called off our date… and then I hear you gushing about this _Tomas_ on your show."

Kevin sighs softly. "I am truly sorry you found out that way," he replies. "I was going to call you and tell you first, but there was a little incident involving a carnivorous manhole cover and a lorry-load of puppies and – well – one thing led to another and I got distracted." He pauses. "I can't apologise enough, Steve. I hope we can still be _friends_ , and maybe…" His tone takes on a weirdly nervous edge, and Cecil suddenly realises what he's going to say just before he does, in fact, say it. "…maybe… more? I mean… this is the twenty-first century after all and Tomas is so _lovely_ and we were talking and we thought… maybe… you might like to meet _both_ of us for coffee."

"What?!" Steve exclaims. " _Both_ of you?! I…" He's trying to look shocked – obviously for Cecil's benefit – but he looks terribly drawn and sort of hopeful as well, and it would be cute under different circumstances. "I… uh… well, that is… sure…"

"Oh, hooray!" Kevin exclaims. "I'm so pleased. You're just going to _love_ Tomas. He's so _smart_. I'd say we should meet this evening, but I sort of have a _tiny_ little errand to run that I just can't get out of…"

"An errand?" Steve repeats. "It's… not something to do with Azatothoth, is it?"

"Oh, you," Kevin says, warmly. "No, it's not Azatothoth. I just have a quick thing I need to do for Strex Corp. Apparently, all of these weird happenings that have been going on since the other night are the result of the brief power-up of the Augmentor – right before you dashingly but wickedly destroyed it. Strex think that's where Tomas came from, because – and this really is weird, Steve – he looks _just_ like _my_ double's _lovely_ boyfriend!"

"…Carlos," Steve says, unnecessarily.

"Yes, Carlos," Kevin replies – and despite everything he _still_ has that oh-so-drawn edge to his tone that makes it very hard for Cecil to carry on keeping quiet. "But, anyway, the crucial point is this: other things have been appearing. Sometimes things that didn't exist before, and sometimes… things that _used_ to exist. It might have been happening over your way, too."

"It has," Steve tells him. "Cecil's been going on about this coffee machine at the radio station that eats people. He and Carlos got rid of it a few weeks back but now it's reappeared."

"Oh, I have one of those at home!" Kevin exclaims, brightly. "I keep it as a pet. They're quite friendly really, once you get used to them."

"…Well, this one was gone and it's come back," Steve manages, looking almost as aghast as Cecil does. "So… I know what you mean."

" _Anyways_ ," Kevin goes on, a little excited now, "Strex's top people ran some calculations, and they think – oh, this is so amazing! – they think that the original Star Seed might have been re-created down in the Aperture facility."

Carlos lifts his head up off the table and immediately lets it drop again with a slight thunk.

"What was that?" Kevin asks.

"Mailman," Steve lies, alarmingly smoothly. "So… your friends in yellow think the Star Seed is back?"

"Sure do," Kevin tells him. "They can't _prove_ it, of course, but given how many strange and wonderful things happen both here and over in Night Vale, they think there's a high probability that the seed will have been re-created. So – drumroll please! – they've asked yours truly to pop across and look for it."

Cecil drops his head forwards onto the tabletop in a mirror of Carlos' pose.

"…Right, right, I see," Steve manages. "So… you're coming over again?"

"Uh-huh," Kevin replies. "Tonight. As soon as it's dark. Oooh, you want to meet up with us?"

"…Us?"

"Yeah, Tomas is coming too. Says he can't wait to get a look at the Aperture place."

"…Understandable, really."

"So, are you joining us? It'll be super fun, and then you and Tomas can get to know each other a bit and we can figure this whole thing out!"

Cecil and Carlos both lift their heads in unison and shake them vigorously.

Steve's eyes narrow. "Sure," he says, tone suddenly very bright. "I'd love to. Why don't you guys drop by my place and then we can all head into the desert together?"

"Oh, Steve, I can't wait!" Kevin exclaims. "I'll see you soon… but there's one last thing before I go. Cecil, Carlos," which makes them both jump, because of course Kevin isn't supposed to know they're there, "you should come along too! GLaDOS is _much_ less likely to try setting us on fire if you're around."

"Don't count on it," Carlos mutters, dropping his head back onto the tabletop again.

"It's not a massive problem for me because I'm immune to fire," Kevin continues, still so very bright, "but I don't know yet if Tomas is – or you, Steve – so I'm playing it safe."

"How do you even know we're here?" Cecil can't help asking.

"Oh, Cecil, Cecil, you forget, you technically work for Strex Corp now! I always know where you are! So I'll see everyone at Steve's tonight. This is so exciting! Another field trip so soon after the last one! Well, gotta dash; catch you all in a while. Toodles!"

And he hangs up.

"…If you let any of them back in my facility, so help me, I will set you _all_ on fire in a room filled with neurotoxin and then spike-plate any survivors into _paste_!" GLaDOS exclaims, having listened to all this via the other phone. "You come and get that Star Seed this instant or there will be _so_ many consequences, I don't even know where to begin!"

"Never mind that," Cecil interjects, glowering at Steve again. "You weren't supposed to _accept_ that mirror-maniac's offer!"

"Well I did," Steve replies, flatly. "I'm sick of you messing up my love life and, quite frankly – Desert Bluffs or no – he's been _way_ nicer to me in the last day than you've _ever_ been, even _despite_ nearly dumping me for your boyfriend's double, so… there."

Carlos lifts his head, takes a deep breath, and runs his hands through his hair, eyes slightly wild with the weight of all this, but still – of course – perfect in every way. "Well," he says, a little too brightly, "I think I'm past coffee now. I think this calls for Scotch. Or vodka. Or… oh, I think I still have some tequila left from New Year…"

"Carlos, alcohol isn't the answer," Cecil points out. "Except when you're trying to forget something the City Council doesn't want you to know about. Although… hmmm, that might actually apply in this case. I guess we'll find out for definite if they want us to."

"…Let's recap, shall we?" Carlos replies, looking increasingly like he wants to rock backwards and forwards. "We broke reality, I have a double who is now dating your double and they _both_ apparently want to date the man _without_ a double, who had a long conversation about the whole affair whilst sitting here _with_ the doubles of the people he's considering setting up a ménage-a-Einstein-knows-what with. Furthermore, the Star Seed that we ignited in a paradox, shot at the moon, and then destroyed the mirror-double of is now _back_ , Strex knows about it, GLaDOS wants us to find it, and _my_ boyfriend's insanely flirtatious and wholly _evil_ double is trying to set up some kind of ridiculous _field trip_ to go looking for it, which will get us killed by GLaDOS if we agree to it, and probably killed by Kevin and/or Strex if we _don't_."

He finally pauses for breath. Cecil looks at him in great concern.

"Well, I for one am _very_ excited to see how this turns out!" Wheatley exclaims.

There's a deeply awkward silence, and then GLaDOS says, "…Just get over here."

And, perhaps mercifully, she hangs up.

Cecil, Carlos and Steve all look at each other for a moment, until finally Cecil asks, "…So what do we do?"

Carlos takes a deep breath. "Only thing we can do. We go back to Aperture – with our portal emitters – and find the Star Seed, and then we get rid of it. And then we all destroy our phones so GLaDOS can't reach us again. And maybe emigrate. I hear Luftnarp is _lovely_ at this time of year…"

"How do we get rid of the seed? You don't want to try igniting this one too, do you?" Cecil asks, a little worried.

"Merciful Einstein, no," Carlos replies. "We need to get rid of it in its current form. Maybe we should just bring it back to the surface and throw it into the Dog Park… they'll _never_ find it there…"

"True, but I don't think the hooded figures should be allowed to get hold of it, either," Cecil reasons.

"OK, good point," Carlos agrees, with a shudder. "Well… I'll work something out. Let's just find the accursed thing first."

"What about Kevin and Tomas?" Steve asks. "Are you coming with us, or going on your own?"

"…We're coming with you," Carlos says, before Cecil can speak, and taking him quite by surprise.

"We are?" he says, staring at his boyfriend.

"Yes," Carlos replies, resolutely. "If they're going into Aperture too, I'd feel safer knowing where they are rather than not. And…"

He trails off a little tellingly. Cecil headtilts. "…You want to meet your double, don't you?"

Carlos nods. "Is that wrong?"

"No," Cecil replies. "But… it will be weird. Weirder than it will be for me. Meeting your own double is… let's just say it's an experience, so… be prepared for that."

"I know," Carlos says. "I just think… I need to do this."

"Then we will," Cecil says. "Even if it means I have to see… _him_ again. So in answer to your question, Steve… we're coming with you."

Steve looks resigned, but sort of relieved at the same time, and Cecil suspects the man is secretly nervous about the whole situation and trying not to show it. "Well, then. You'd better come over to my place."

And with the plan finally decided on, and their portal emitters in hand… they head off.

***

The sun is setting as they drive up towards Steve's house – Steve in his tan Corolla, and Cecil and Carlos following on behind in Cecil's car – parking near the porch and stepping out.

"Now, I have a lot of _classified_ stuff in here," Steve tells them, warningly, "so don't touch anything. And I do _not_ want to hear about any of it on the radio, Cecil. My investigations are for my blog, and that's final."

"…Understood," Cecil replies, deciding it's wiser not to argue, and also that he can do better than to worry about Steve Carlsberg's insane ramblings.

"All right," Steve says. "Come on, then."

And he leads them inside. The interior is pretty much what Cecil expected from a deranged conspiracy-theorist: all weird books and newspaper clippings connected by string, and a computer which seems to be running some kind of decryption programme that Steve won't talk about. They hang about for a while – Carlos reading a book that's lying on the table and is called _'Black Mesa: Rewriting Reality,'_ and Cecil looking at Steve's wall-full-of-crazy, which he's been using to investigate the rumours about the moon's brief destruction, and which – Cecil has to grudgingly admit – he's been alarmingly thorough with.

Steve himself paces a lot, clearly worried, and jumping at any sudden sounds. Eventually there's a knock at the door, and he's so taken aback he nearly falls over.

"You want me to get that?" Cecil asks him, dryly.

"No," Steve replies, brushing himself down and trying to look resolute. "I'll go."

He walks across to the door and opens it. "Steve!" comes Kevin's overly-bright voice at once. "So good to see you again! Allow me to introduce… Tomas."

"Oh, Kev, you _said_ he was a looker!" Tomas exclaims – and at least he, too, has a very different voice from his double. "Delighted. I'm Tomas. I'm a scientist."

"So I hear," Steve manages. "Uh… come on in."

They step inside, shutting the door, and then the weirdest silence descends as Tomas and Carlos stand staring at each other.

"Whoa," Tomas breathes. "That really _is_ weird. You're… me."

"Technically not," Carlos replies. "I'm your double. Well. You're my double. Except I shouldn't _have_ a double…"

"Oh, Carlos, you're so _cute_ when you're all flustered!" Kevin exclaims. "And Cecil, it's so good to see you too! I can't tell you how happy I am that you both came along."

Steve rubs a hand over his eyes. "My head hurts," he says, looking between the four of them. "This is like being drunk. Or like the time that government agency _kidnapped me_ and did _weird_ things to my brain."

"They did?" Tomas asks, looking drawn. "Oh my. You should tell me about that sometime, it sounds _very_ interesting."

"It would have been if I could remember any of it," Steve replies. "Imagine all the useful intel I might have been able to gather on their activities! But no, they had to go wipe my memories as well, so all I recall is a low rumbling and the taste of vanilla… and the scent of sage."

"So _poetic_ ," Kevin breathes, similarly drawn.

"Much as all of this is _very_ interesting," Cecil cuts in, dryly, "we did come here for a reason. So could you maybe save the meet-and-greet for another time? Unless you guys just want to sit here whilst Carlos and I go back to Aperture on our own, because that would solve a whole load of problems all at once – so if you're in favour, I'm right with you."

"Oh, Cecil, ever the pragmatist," Kevin says. "But you're right, of course, we do need to focus. I'm sure when all this is over we can withdraw for conversation and male-bonding but for the time being… we have a mission in hand."

"And I for one cannot _wait_ to see this Aperture place," Tomas adds. "I've been reading up on them all afternoon and the thought of actually getting to _meet_ GLaDOS… You say she regularly tries to kill you?"

"Oh yes," Carlos answers. He still looks very distracted and Cecil knows – from experience – that it's going to be a while before he gets used enough to his double to concentrate again. And even then… it's never quite the same when there's another _you_ around. Especially when he hits on _everyone_ and seems not to have realised what an utter _jerk_ Steve Carlsberg is…

…OK, Cecil, focus…

"She traps us in test chambers pretty often," Carlos goes on. "And threatens us with fire. And she once tried to shoot us at the moon inside a giant sphere."

Tomas claps his hands together. "I can't wait! So how do we do this?"

Carlos sighs. "We go out into the desert. Sooner or later, an entrance will appear, and we'll be able to get down into the Enrichment Centre itself. And then we try not to die."

"This is so exciting!" Kevin exclaims.

Cecil starts wishing he had a table to drop his head down onto.

***

So they set out: Steve in his Corolla, Kevin and Tomas in Kevin's car, and Cecil and Carlos now leading the way in Cecil's car. As they drive, Carlos is tellingly quiet, and eventually Cecil glances over at him, eyes full of concern.

"Are you all right?" he asks.

Carlos looks at him. "I don't know," he admits. "All of this – the Augmentor, and that _wretched_ seed coming back _again_ – would be bad enough on its own, but having my double appear out of nowhere, it's… it's a lot to deal with."

"I know," Cecil replies, understandingly. "I remember the way I felt the first time I saw Kevin. You have this lingering feeling at the back of your mind that this person is _you_ and you need to _trust_ them, and then you realise they really _aren't_ , and that's… that's hard."

"What about… what about when _you_ look at him?" Carlos asks. "At Tomas, I mean. Do you… see me?"

"Do you see me when you look at Kevin?" Cecil replies, realising what Carlos is getting at.

"Not really," Carlos says. "I mean… yes, he looks like you, and sometimes he has this flicker in his eyes that's so familiar, but… he isn't you. He's him. And that's glaringly obvious to me."

Cecil reaches over with his free hand and grips Carlos' arm supportively. "And it's the same when I look at Tomas," he says. "I know he isn't you. _You're_ my Carlos."

Carlos manages a smile. "Thanks," he whispers. "I'm sorry if I'm being a bit… you know, weird. This is all very sudden."

"I know," Cecil tells him. "Trust me, I know."

They drive on through the desert. Night is well and truly fallen now, and it's a familiar feeling when they pull up seemingly in the middle of nowhere.

"Here?" Carlos asks, with a flicker of a grin.

"Here," Cecil says. He doesn't know why. He just… knows.

The other two cars pull up close by, and soon the five men are standing in the desert, Carlos and Tomas holding flashlights, and the half-moon glittering overhead.

"I still can't believe you destroyed it, even if only briefly," Kevin says, glancing up. "I wish I'd seen it. I bet it was impressive."

"And terrifying," Carlos adds.

"Well," says Tomas, excitedly, bouncing on his heels, "where's this doorway?"

Cecil points off through the semi-darkness, towards a metal shack that definitely wasn't around when they were all parking up. "There," he says.

"Whoa…" Tomas breathes. "OK, that's strange…"

"…You get used to it," Carlos tells him.

They head over to the shack. Steve tries the door at once, and – of course – it won't budge.

"Why don't these things like me?" he asks, sullenly.

Carlos shrugs. "They don't like me, either."

Tomas tries the door too and it won't move even slightly. "Or me," he remarks, folding his arms and staring at the handle, seemingly deep in thought.

Kevin flashes Cecil a grin. "Just you and me," he says. "You want to do the honours?"

"Oh, be my guest," Cecil tells him, faux-graciously.

Oblivious, Kevin grasps the door handle and – of course – the door clicks open as easy as ever, revealing a dark staircase beyond.

"Intriguing," Tomas says. "I wonder how it does that. This calls for further investigation… but later. Right now, we have some exploring to do."

He's just about to step forward when – of its own accord – the door slams firmly shut with a bang, making them all jump. Cecil and Carlos look at each other in surprise.

"Oh!" Kevin exclaims. "Has that ever happened before?"

"Not up on the surface," Carlos replies. "Down in the facility, yes, but here… that's a new one."

Kevin reaches for the door handle again, but this time it won't budge at all. Perplexed – and evidently riled, if trying not to show it – he looks at Cecil. "You try?"

So Cecil does, but – bizarrely – even he can't get the door to open.

"Now what?" Steve exclaims.

"Let me be blunt," comes GLaDOS' voice, ringing across the desert landscape from some unknown source. "I am not letting you in. Cecil and Carlos on their own, I will permit – just this once, for reasons of science – but the rest of you? Two maniac doubles and a man in a tinfoil hat? How insane do you think I am?"

"Oh, you're GLaDOS!" Tomas exclaims. "It's an honour."

"Charmed," GLaDOS replies, incredibly dryly. "Now get lost. I have enough problems on my hands without letting you lot in to wander about and break science."

"Pretty please?" Kevin tries, with his most ingratiating (read: terrifying) face in case GLaDOS can see them as well as hear them. "We'll be so good, and it will avoid a great many larger problems in the long run."

"No!" GLaDOS says.

"…You could always just let Carlos and me go in," Cecil tries suggesting to Kevin. "We could… go on our own and find the seed and… bring it back?"

"Oh, Cecil, that innocent little look isn't going to work on me!" Kevin tells him, still so very bright. "If I let you go in there on your own, I'll never see that Star Seed and my friends in Strex Corp will be _so_ upset."

"Well, it was worth a try," Cecil mutters to Carlos. And then, louder, he adds, "What do you suggest then, Kevin?"

"As a matter of fact… I have an idea," Kevin replies, in a tone that fills Cecil with sudden worry all over again. Kevin pulls out his phone, puts it on speaker, and then dials a number.

"Hello?"

"DORiS, hi, it's Kevin."

"Oh, hello you," comes DORiS' voice. Cecil supposes he shouldn't be surprised. Given how often GLaDOS talks to them on the phone now, it's not much of a leap to assume her double would do the same. "How's things over there?"

"Not so good, actually," Kevin replies, tone still so chipper. "We're trying to get into Aperture to find this re-created Star Seed, but – here's the thing – GLaDOS won't let us in."

"Well, good for her!" DORiS says. "You can't just go letting anyone wander about your facility to break science! I agree, though, this does pose a problem for you. Let me talk to her?"

"Go right ahead, you're on speaker."

"GLaDOS?"

"DORiS. How are things?"

"Pretty good," DORiS replies. "Except for the fact that Mish has been spending all her time with that Chell girl of yours."

"Oh, tell me about it," GLaDOS sighs. "They've been out _all_ day. They went to a _theme park_. Do you know how inconsiderate it is to go running off to ride rollercoasters when your other half is a sentient AI with a fixed physical presence who will never get to experience such things?"

"I really do," DORiS tells her, understandingly. "I think those two are going to need an intervention before long."

"Seconded," GLaDOS agrees.

" _Anyway_ ," DORiS goes on, "back to the here and now. You're not letting the boys into Aperture?"

GLaDOS sighs. "Look. I'll tell you what I told them. I'll let Cecil and Carlos in because they agreed to do me a favour, but Kevin, Steve and… just what is your name, anyway?"

"Tomas," he tells her, helpfully.

"…Tomas, him, I'm not letting those three in. Kevin is a known associate of Strex Corp and – more importantly – Black Mesa, Steve is a weirdo in a tinfoil hat, and Tomas is _freakishly_ perfect and I can only cope with one person like that at a time. Also they want to steal my Star Seed and use it for nefarious purposes and I'd be as big an idiot as _Wheatley_ if I just let them all come wandering in."

"Wheatley?" DORiS repeats.

"Oh, long story," GLaDOS says, offhand. "You won't have one of him because he wasn't here when our facilities got moved and mirrored each other, although it sounds to me like he'd be more at home over there anyway so you can have him if you want him. Hm? Yes, I can do that, you little _idiot_ , be quiet! Sorry about this. I'm having a day."

"So it seems," says DORiS brightly. "Well. I can't make you let them in, of course, and I _completely_ understand why you don't want to. On the other hand, Kevin _really_ does need to get hold of that new Star Seed and much as I am totally cool with you and your methods – even though you're Aperture – I do have to help him. But… I think I can do so in a way that will benefit both of us, and _science_ too."

"…I'm listening," GLaDOS concedes.

"Well," DORiS goes on, "how's about this? You let all of them in, and what you've basically got is your team, my team – who helpfully are their doubles, which will make the data curves so much easier to plot – and… Steve. We'll call him a wildcard. He's from the same town as your team but he's got this weird _thing_ going on with my team, so he's like…"

"…The third eye?" Carlos suggests, wryly.

"Exactly!" DORiS agrees, ever-bright. "So… you let them all in, give them the usual obstacles like I'm sure you always do, and we see who wins! For _science_ , GLaDOS. For _science_."

There's a long, awkward silence, and then GLaDOS says, "…That's _diabolical_."

"Isn't it just?" DORiS replies. "And I know you can't resist it because of how scientific it is."

"…You _fiend_ ," GLaDOS mutters. And then, "…We should do coffee sometime. Or whatever sentient AIs do for coffee. I've never met another one so I'm not entirely sure. But. We should. Platonically, you understand, because I have a… a Chell, so… yes."

"See!" says DORiS. "We can be gal pals too!"

"…OK, but don't ever call it that," GLaDOS insists. "This is for _science_."

"Right," DORiS agrees, faux-serious. "Right. Speaking of, what do you think of my idea?"

"I think it's evil," GLaDOS tells her. "Wicked. Dastardly. Dangerous."

The door clicks tellingly open.

"…But I can't resist it. Not when the scientific applications are so enticing. So… You have yourself a deal, DORiS. Your guys versus my guys, with Steve to mix things up. Winner takes all."

"GLaDOS, I always knew you were cool really," DORiS says. "Kevin, Tomas, make me proud."

"Will do, Dee!" Kevin replies. "Kisses!"

"Ciao ciao," DORiS adds, and hangs up.

"…We're really doing this?" Carlos asks, head in his hands.

"Sure are!" Tomas says, looking ridiculously excited. "Think of the possibilities for science!"

"…This is all your fault, Steve Carlsberg…" Cecil mutters.

Steve glowers at him, then pushes the door open – and leads the way down into Aperture.

***

After a few moments wandering along the obligatory corridors, they finally step into what's clearly a test chamber. "Well, gosh, look," says GLaDOS, "you're going to have to work this one out if you want to proceed. And seeing as I'm still in charge of this place, I'm changing the rules a little bit. Kevin, Tomas, you have to solve this one. I'm not opening the door if Cecil and Carlos do it for you. Mr Tinfoil–"

"Steve! _Steve_!"

"–can help if he wants, but basically it's on you. I know they can do it, so now you have to. For _science_."

"Oh, how exciting!" Kevin exclaims, not perturbed in the slightest. "All right, then."

"Good luck," says GLaDOS, brightly. "Deploying an Aperture Science Weighted Storage Cube in three, two, one…"

And a cube drops into the corner of the room.

Exchanging a look and opting not to argue, Cecil and Carlos sit side-by-side on a low ledge, watching as Kevin and Tomas examine the test chamber, Steve hovering close by.

"Well," says Tomas, rubbing his hands together, "I did quite a lot of research into Aperture's methods this afternoon, in preparation for our trip, and I know that they were very into cube-and-button-based testing. So I'd say… to get that door open, we need to drop the cube over here onto… ah… oh, that button up there."

"This room is sort of familiar," Kevin remarks. "I think I saw one like this over in Black Mesa's facility, except… what is that glowing bridge?"

"That is an Aperture Science Hard Light Bridge," GLaDOS tells them. "It can be redirected with… the proper equipment. It is also safe to walk on, although it is recommended you do not lie down on it as it may cause your hair to catch fire."

"Oh, right!" says Tomas, brightly. "So, if we could redirect it up to that ledge, we could walk up and put the cube on the button."

Kevin swoons a little. "You're so smart." He looks at Steve. "Isn't he so smart?"

Steve still looks torn but slightly captivated at the same time. "Yeah, he kinda is. Last time I did any of these chambers was when I was in the Black Mesa facility with Chell, and she didn't let me help much. She said I was an idiot _and_ she dropped a cube on my head. Knocked me out cold for like five minutes!"

"Oh, how mean!" Tomas exclaims, putting a hand on Steve's shoulder. "Well, you should totally help now. How do you think we redirect that light bridge up to the button?"

Cecil leans in close to Carlos. "Much as it hurts to suggest, you think we should point out the obvious problem here?" he whispers.

"Possibly," Carlos concedes, just as softly. "GLaDOS is messing with them. She did it to us to start off with, too."

"But you were too smart for her," Cecil points out, smiling. "I think you're even smarter than Tomas."

Carlos blushes a little. "We could just leave them to it. See how long it takes. I swear Steve should know what's wrong, if nothing else."

"Yeah, but he is a bit oblivious."

"True."

They pause, watching again. "You think this is what it's like for GLaDOS?" Cecil wonders.

"Probably," Carlos replies. "Except I imagine she enjoys it more, on account of knowing where all the hidden fire pits are."

"…We should maybe say something. Otherwise we're going to be here forever."

"I know. Much as I don't want to… hanging around in this room for ages does us no good."

They pause another moment, watching as the other three try walking on the light bridge. It does indeed support them as if completely solid, but there's no way to move it. Steve tries jumping up and down on it – which makes Tomas laugh warmly – and then the three of them stand staring at it for a moment in obvious confusion.

"Yep," Cecil whispers to Carlos. "You're definitely the smartest."

Carlos grins, and rises to his feet. "Uh… GLaDOS?" he says, loud enough for the others to hear – and making them turn in surprise as he speaks.

"Hm?" she replies, in an overly-innocent tone.

"Don't you think you should maybe give them a portal device?"

"Hm?" GLaDOS says again. "Oh. Right. I knew I'd forgotten something…"

It's clear from her tone that the omission was very deliberate, but no one comments further – and then a narrow plinth is raised into the room through an opening that appears in the floor; a plinth on which lies a portal gun.

"Oh!" Tomas exclaims. "Of course! Oh, now this is going to be even more fun!"

"Let me be blunt," GLaDOS says, as Tomas walks over to pick up the portal gun, Kevin hovering close and watching in obvious interest. "This is an Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device. It is proprietary Aperture technology and is not – under _any_ circumstances – to be removed from this facility at any time. I'm looking at you, Kevin!"

"Hey!" Kevin exclaims, holding up his hands. "I'm just here for the Star Seed. I'm not going to try making off with a working example of portal technology as well…"

But he's not fooling anyone. The look in his eyes is very telling and Cecil and Carlos exchange a worried glance when Kevin isn't watching.

"Well, now," GLaDOS goes on. "You may proceed with the test. You may find it a little… easier… with the addition of the portal gun, with which you can make two connected portals – one blue, one orange – on the surface of any pale wall, ceiling or floor. Of course, this is not quite as versatile as the _wholly bootleg_ portal _emitters_ that Cecil and Carlos have, but seeing as they break science on a regular basis, that's something you'll just need to live with. You know… like _I_ do."

"Try it!" Kevin urges, bouncing excitedly on his heels. He grabs hold of Steve and pulls him in close – which makes Steve squeak in surprise – and they both stand behind Tomas, who aims the portal gun at the wall.

He fires, and there's an electric whine, a bolt of light, and a rippling blue portal appears on the wall. Kevin applauds. "That is just so cool!" he exclaims. "Try another one!"

So Tomas does and – in a second blaze of light – an orange portal bursts into life beside the blue one. Kevin applauds again, clapping Tomas on the back, and they approach the two portals; Kevin standing at the blue and Tomas at the orange. And then Kevin reaches through the portal, grabbing hold of Tomas and pulling him in to kiss in the midst of all that dancing light, the clinch very involved and really rather drawn-out.

Steve makes a slightly distressed sound, which turns into another squeak of shock as Tomas breaks the kiss, reaches to grab him, and pulls him in front of the portal so Kevin can kiss Steve too, Tomas still standing close behind and holding onto him.

"…Should they be this creepy?" Carlos whispers to Cecil, unable to take his eyes off the little tableau evolving in front of them.

"…I don't know," Cecil replies. "But I really wish they wouldn't be."

Eventually Kevin lets go, grinning like the cat that's got the cream. Steve nearly falls down.

Tomas, meanwhile, pats him on the back and wanders off with the portal gun. "Now," he says, happily, "for some _science_."

And Cecil has to admit – albeit not vocally – that once Tomas has a portal gun, he works the test chamber out pretty quickly. Firing a portal at the point where the light bridge hits the wall, he then creates a second portal higher up, making the light bridge shine out across the room, a little way above the button.

"Oh, brilliant!" Kevin exclaims. "Now… we just take the cube through?"

"Yep," says Tomas, excitedly. "Steve, you want to do the honours?"

Steve still looks a little dazed, but he nods and takes the cube, then heads onto the light bridge and through the lower portal, reappearing higher up. And then, it's an easy matter of dropping the cube onto the button – which glows red and sinks down – and then returning through the portal as the door up ahead slides open, Kevin and Tomas applauding.

"Congratulations," GLaDOS says, flatly. "You're not as dumb as you look."

***

They pass through a couple more test chambers. None of them are complicated, but GLaDOS still insists on making Team Desert Bluffs-Plus-Steve – as Carlos quickly takes to calling them – solve the puzzles whilst Team Night Vale have to sit and watch.

This is harder than it might seem at first – not because of the desire to get up and help the others figure the chambers out, but because the three of them become increasingly weird and creepy the more they work together.

By the fourth chamber, Cecil is threatening to shut his eyes if they don't stop jumping up and down in front of portals and waving at each other, and Carlos _does_ shut his eyes every time one of them swoops in to kiss another. Which is increasingly often and seems to work in every combination and… oh, it's best not to think about it.

Eventually, they reach a chamber composed entirely of pale panels, but with absolutely nothing else in it. Cecil and Carlos both freeze in the doorway at once – Carlos even grabbing Steve's arm and trying to stop him going any further – eyes full of worry.

"I don't think we should go in there," he insists.

"Why not?" Steve asks, trying to shrug Carlos off.

"The last time _we_ saw a room like this… the walls all opened up and a whole group of _gun turrets_ started firing at us," Carlos replies.

Kevin looks alarmingly drawn. "Gun turrets? Aperture has those?"

Cecil facepalms. "Oh yeah. They're _very_ scary and _genuinely_ dangerous and you really want to avoid them at all costs."

"Oh, come now, we already did that one," says GLaDOS, smoothly. "I'm not going to open up the walls and let the turrets try to fill you all full of bullets. That would be _boring_."

"…Forgive us if we're not convinced," Carlos answers.

"I'm not the forgiving sort," GLaDOS replies. "But I do promise there are no turrets in here."

"Or about to drop in here?" Cecil pushes.

"Or about to drop in here," GLaDOS echoes. "Or about to appear, materialise, swarm and/or otherwise find a way to mutilate your poor, living corpses."

"…Well, all right then," Cecil says, and – cautiously – leads the way into the chamber.

They all pace inside, standing in the empty room and looking around it. The door slides shut behind them, but there's still no indication of what they're supposed to do next, given the lack of any objects, ledges, cubes or buttons, and the apparent promise of no murderous and creepy-voiced gun turrets.

"…So now what?" Kevin wonders.

GLaDOS gives a soft little laugh. "Surprise," she says.

And, before anyone can react, a couple of the floor panels slide away and two of the group – Kevin and Carlos – are suddenly dropped through to whatever lies beneath, the panels sliding shut with a resounding clunk.

"Carlos!" Cecil shouts in shock and alarm, hurrying over to the floor panel where his boyfriend once stood, as if this might somehow help bring him back. As if anything could help. "GLaDOS! What are you playing at?"

"Oh, that's much better," GLaDOS says, smoothly. "Science is one thing, but I really can't deal with the whole lot of you in the same place at once. So now I've got the dangerous Black Mesa crazies up here, and my slightly less crazies down there, and hopefully that will make all this turn out right."

Cecil facepalms. "Except you dropped the wrong one!" he exclaims.

"…What?" GLaDOS snaps.

"I'm _Cecil_. The one you dropped through the floor was Kevin!"

"…Ah darn it." GLaDOS sighs. "Look. I can't tell you apart. You know that."

"He has eyes like the void itself!"

"…Oh shut up," GLaDOS concedes. "So I miscalculated slightly. We've all done it."

"Yes, and now my boyfriend is alone with my maniac double!"

"Hey!" Tomas and Steve both protest at once – and then glance at each other, unable to hold back a slight grin despite everything.

Cecil facepalms again. "Bring him back this instant!"

"No," GLaDOS tells him, flatly. "This may not have been what I was aiming for, but it will have to do. Now. Off you go. Science time. I may have mixed up the teams a little but there's still everything to play for!"

Cecil, however, turns to the wall and fires his portal emitter at it. A vibrant purple portal bursts into life… but doesn't connect to the other. He stands, staring, waiting… but there's nothing.

But how can that be? If he can work out the quickest way to reunite with Carlos… surely his brilliant boyfriend worked it out twice as fast? All he'd need to do is find somewhere to put his magenta portal… and they'll be back together in no time.

Cecil waits. And waits. And… there's nothing.

"…Carlos?" he whispers, softly. "Where are you?"

Still nothing. The silence, the glowing purple portal with its unresolved connection… hurts. It sends a spark of terror chasing through Cecil; an echo of days long ago.

The bowling alley.

No.

"You better not have hurt him!" he declares, fiercely, staring up at the ceiling.

"Oh, he's fine," GLaDOS insists. "Are you happy now?"

"But I thought you couldn't see back there?"

"I can't. But I can hear. And he's fine. So… less whining, more science."

"…But why doesn’t he just make a portal to come through?" Cecil whispers. "I… I don't…"

Tomas walks over and puts a hand on his shoulder, making him jump. "I'm sure he'll be OK," he says, in the same reassuring tone Carlos himself would use – and that's enough to make Cecil's heart ache all the more.

"He'd better be," Cecil says, as the door up ahead opens to let them proceed. "He'd better be."

***

Carlos doesn't even have the chance to cry out in shock as the floor opens up – the feeling alarmingly familiar nonetheless as he's dropped onto the rough gantryway below the test chamber. He collides with the cold metal, lying there for a moment as he tries to catch his breath and stop his mind from racing, before he slowly starts to clamber to his feet.

As he does, he realises he's not alone. "Cecil? Are you… oh. Oh _no_ …"

"…Ow," Kevin breathes, dragging himself upright and holding onto the nearby railing, rubbing a hand over the back of his head. "I'm going to be honest, I didn't enjoy that."

"You weren't supposed to," comes GLaDOS' voice. "You're both still alive, yes?"

"Yes," Kevin answers. "Thankfully, we are. Did we do something wrong?"

"No," GLaDOS replies. "I just thought it was about time I… oh, hold on one second…"

She goes silent. Carlos and Kevin look at each other in confusion, Carlos taking a deliberate step back when Kevin tries to move closer, not at all happy about being left alone with the man. He's so terribly like Cecil at times that it's disturbing, and sometimes it's better not to think about it at all. Hard, though, when he's apparently now stuck with the guy and…

Oh. Wait. The portal emitters! Of course. They didn't have them last time, but now… all he needs to do is find a suitable stretch of wall to make a portal on. He's sure Cecil will think the same thing – his boyfriend really has taken to all this science impressively well – and it won't be long before they're back together and…

…oh. _Oh_. Carlos lifts his arm to look at the portal emitter he's wearing on his wrist, only to find it sparking softly. At some point on the fall down here, he must have cracked it against something and… yes, as he feared, it will no longer fire. And he's going to need a workbench and some tools to make the necessary repairs and…

…that means he can't get back.

 _Oh no_.

"Well, darn it, that didn't go according to plan," comes GLaDOS' voice again, after a moment. "I had a lovely idea involving splitting you all up but apparently I can't tell Cecil and Kevin apart and I dropped the wrong one."

"You can't tell them apart?" Carlos exclaims, the full weight of his situation starting to make him jumpy with worry. "He has eyes like the void itself!"

"Hey!" Kevin protests. "There's no need for name-calling. Unless it's all a slightly growly precursor to some heated making-out up against a wall down here…"

" _Kevin_!" Carlos hisses. "You have Tomas _and_ Steve already! Would you _please_ , for the love of _Einstein_ , stop hitting on me?!"

Kevin claps a hand over his own heart. "Oh, Carlos, I really am doing my best. You're just so _enthralling_ and sometimes I find it hard to concentrate…"

"Well, would you try? Before I forget I'm _not_ the evil double?"

"You're not making it any easier, you know," Kevin points out, trying – and failing – to look innocent. "Although… I don't mind if you want to be the evil double for a while. You know… for _science_."

Carlos glowers at him. Kevin continues to pretend to look innocent.

"Well, come along. Less interesting character moments, more walking," GLaDOS insists.

"You let me back up there this instant!" Carlos says. "I am not wandering around down here with the maniac!"

Kevin gives him a faux-sincere look. "Seriously, Carlos, words _hurt_ ," he replies.

"You are so right, mate," comes a voice from down the gantryway. "You are _so_ right."

And something slides towards them along a metal rail above their heads: a strange, spherical construct with a single, central blue eye. Carlos doesn't recognise it by sight, but the voice is very familiar.

"…Wheatley?" he says.

"Oh, are you one of her science friends?" Wheatley exclaims, a little excitedly.

"Yeah," Carlos replies. "I'm Carlos. This," and he gives a resigned wave, "is Kevin. He is _not_ one of GLaDOS', ah, 'science friends.'"

"I'm more like a… regular guest," Kevin says, brightly.

"Oh, well then, welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Centre," Wheatley declares, with a grand little flourish. "I'm Wheatley, and anything she's told you about me is entirely untrue, I am _quite_ OK really."

"Glad to meet you," Kevin tells him.

"What are you doing down here?" Carlos asks, before the two of them can get any worse. "I thought you were up in the same chamber as GLaDOS."

"I was," Wheatley says, "but… well, she threw me out. Said some very _hurtful_ things, too. So I decided to go for a wander, so to speak. Clear my head, and so on."

"…Is that little idiot back there with you?" comes GLaDOS' voice.

"He's not an idiot!" Kevin insists. "He's a friendly guy and I like him."

GLaDOS sighs. "You would. Carlos, watch out for him. He breaks science even worse than you do, and that's saying something."

"I do not break science!" Wheatley insists. "I'll have you know, I used to be hyper-intelligent."

"You nearly destroyed this entire facility," GLaDOS reminds him, flatly. "Because you failed to read the big, flashing sign that said 'press here to vent dangerous radioactive build-up.' And you once turned me into a potato!"

Wheatley gives a nervous little laugh. "Yeah, that was kinda funny…"

"It was _not_ funny, you raging _maniac_ , and I–"

" _Noted_ ," Carlos interjects, firmly, before _they_ get any worse. "Well. We should keep going. If we're doing this ridiculous science-race-thing, we may as well get on with it."

"Ooh, a race!" Wheatley exclaims. "How exciting! Can I come?"

"Yes," Kevin replies.

"No," Carlos replies, at exactly the same time.

He throws Kevin another glower, but Kevin still just looks drawn by it, and there really doesn't seem to be any point in arguing.

"Fine," Carlos says. "Fine. Come along, then."

So what does that make them now? Team Desert Vale-Plus-Wheatley?

He just has to hope that Team Night Bluffs-Plus-Steve is faring better.

***

"Isn't there any way you could speed this up?" Cecil says to GLaDOS, as he sits watching Tomas and Steve try to solve another of the test chambers. He's not sure if he's allowed to help now that the two groups have been mixed up, but so far he's continued to stay out of it… mainly in the hope that it will slow them down enough to let Carlos make it to the re-created Star Seed first. And even with Kevin in tow… which is just not a good thought at _all_ … that still has to be an advantage.

"Technically, yes, but I'm not going to," GLaDOS replies. "I promised DORiS I'd make it a fair race – for science – so you'll just have to do this the old-fashioned way."

"You _said_ you'd make it a fair race, but then you tried to split us up so that the people you _want_ to win had an advantage," Cecil points out. "You just got us the wrong way around."

"That was… merely an occupational hazard," GLaDOS insists. "Part of the testing. You know how it is. And I'm not going to mess with it anymore. This has to stay strictly scientific."

On the far side of the room, the door opens. Tomas lets out a little cheer and leaps on Steve, who squeaks as he gets tackled into the wall and kissed.

"…This is not scientific," Cecil says, flatly. "This is _insanity_."

"Alarming how close those two things are," GLaDOS replies. "Now, come along and…"

She falls silent. "…GLaDOS?" Cecil prompts, a little surprised.

"Hmm?" GLaDOS says. "Oh. Right. Yes. Science. Come along."

Opting – for the moment – not to question why GLaDOS seems so distracted, Cecil follows Steve and Tomas onwards.

"This place really is amazing," Tomas is saying to Steve.

"It kinda is," Steve agrees. "But at the same time… it worries me. A lot. This kind of tech, in the hands of shady corporations… it's never good news. We just have to hope the World Government doesn't take an interest."

"The World Government?" Tomas repeats.

"Yeah, you know, the guys who are _really_ in charge," Steve tells him. "They're in league with the Masons, Fox News, and – though I haven't proven it yet – probably the Illuminati too. You want to watch out for them."

"I'll bear that in mind," Tomas says. "My new employers offer a seminar on what to do about the forces of global politics. I might check it out."

"Your new employers?" Steve asks.

"Oh, yeah," Tomas tells him. "Strex Corp. I came to study Desert Bluffs on their behalf. I'm their new Chief Scientist."

"…Because _that's_ not ominous at all," Cecil mutters, but thankfully Tomas doesn't hear him. It's possible Steve does but, for once, he seems to agree and doesn't say anything.

"They have some _very_ interesting projects going on," Tomas continues. "There's this one I've asked to look in on, concerning cloud-seeding, and… oh. Hmmm. Maybe I shouldn't talk about it, just in case. I mean, I completely trust you guys – even you, Cecil, 'cause I know my Kevin's double couldn't possibly be a bad person – but I'm a little less sold on… you know. _Her_." He headtilts up at the ceiling.

Oddly, GLaDOS doesn't respond – and Cecil can't help feeling this is somewhat weird, given that she'd usually rise to that kind of bait at once.

"…GLaDOS?" he prompts.

"Hmm?" she replies. "Did I miss something important?"

"Uh… no," Cecil says. "I just… you seem distracted."

"Distracted? Me? I'm a super-sentient AI. We don't get distracted."

But it doesn't change facts: GLaDOS _is_ distracted, and now Cecil can't help worrying about why.

***

"…So then I declared 'booby-trap the Stalemate Button!' and _everything_ exploded!"

Carlos doesn't know how much more of this he can take. They've been walking along the gantryways for some time now, and Wheatley has spent the last Einstein-knows-how-long relating the tale of how he once took over the whole facility, which seems to consist mostly of the story of how Chell broke out of Aperture the second time and ended up sort of reconciling with GLaDOS, interspersed with a lot of insistences about his computer hacking abilities and the benefits of hyper-intelligence. And Machiavelli.

Kevin looks enthralled. It's welcome to see him focusing on someone else for a change, but at the same time Carlos can't help being worried by the whole affair. Much as Wheatley insists he's reformed, there's something about the way he relates his story that rings mental alarm bells.

He doesn't sound all that guilty. No. He mostly sounds wistful.

"…Is he done yet?" GLaDOS asks, when Wheatley pauses for whatever counts as 'breath' for a robotic artificial intelligence of very questionable… well. Intelligence.

"…And _then_ she shot a portal onto the _moon_ and before I knew it we were… No, I am not done yet. I'm just getting to the part where you and that mute lunatic of yours tried to _kill_ me."

"Well, I know how that feels," GLaDOS replies, dryly. "She's not mute now, though. Something happened involving time travel energy, and Chell can talk normally."

"Time travel can fix massive brain damage?" Wheatley says. "Wow. That's sort of awesome. How is Chell, anyway?"

"Oh… ah… fine, you know," GLaDOS responds, offhand. "Very… uh, jumpy. Lots of jumping. You know Chell."

"Yep, I sure do," says Wheatley, having apparently missed the very distracted edge to GLaDOS' tone. It's glaringly obvious to Carlos, and he finds himself wondering what's going on… and hoping it isn't anything bad. Especially anything bad to do with Cecil. "I was hoping I might run into her at some point, actually, because I really wanted to say… oh. Oooh, look, we made it."

The gantryway opens out all of a sudden, and beyond it is a vast, half-wrecked chamber, cracked in two and centred around a huge opening into a distant, even more massive chamber below. Hanging in midair right above the opening, without obvious cause but still very much there, is a dark purple sphere. It's little more than a speck from this far back, but Carlos knows that, close up, it would be about the size of a basketball. Light shines diagonally down onto it from a gap in the ceiling, casting weird shadows into the cavernous spaces visible just through the opening in the floor.

"Oooh," Wheatley says again, sliding a little further along his rail to get a better view. "It's a bit _Raiders of the Lost Ark_ , isn't it?"

"Hopefully not," Carlos replies, dryly. "I can't say I'm in the mood for fleeing from massive boulders. Or being melted by malevolent ghosts."

"Oh, they're not so bad," Kevin insists. "There was this one time… I think it was last Christmas… when–"

"…Don't tell me," Carlos interrupts. "Seriously. If you've been melting people with ghosts, I don't want to know."

"Carlos, Carlos, it wasn't me!" Kevin replies, brightly. "It was this group over in the Bluffs called the Order of the Most Merciful Flora the Benevolent, and–"

"Kevin!" Carlos interrupts, again. "I don't want to know! Your whole thing with Azathoth is bad enough!"

"Aza _to_ thoth," Kevin corrects. "You think a man like me is allowed to even _commune_ with a being so transcendentally _awe-inspiring_ as Azathoth? Come on, Carlos, I'm just not that lucky! Plus it takes _decades_ of training and the loss of most – if not all – of your sanity. That's why I have Aza _to_ thoth instead. He's just a lesser demon doing what's needed to get by."

"You can summon demons?" Wheatley interjects, spinning slightly in surprise.

"Occasionally," Kevin replies, looking proud of himself.

"But he's out of summonings for the week," Carlos can't help adding – more as a reassurance to himself than anything else. "So don't get excited."

"Ah well, there's always next week!" Wheatley says, brightly. Kevin grins up at him.

"Also I will not take kindly to any more ancient black magics being performed in my facility," GLaDOS adds. "Are you there yet?"

"Yes," Carlos answers, deciding to just move on with the task in hand before the conversation about demon summoning gets any worse. "We are."

"And?"

"And that thrice-accursed Star Seed is here. Again. It's hanging over a great big opening in the floor where the containment sphere used to be… but, of course, you shot that into space and the Augmentor doesn't seem to have brought it back too."

" _You_ shot it into space," GLaDOS insists. "You and your overly-talkative boyfriend and his rogue Companion Cube."

"…You have a _boyfriend_?" Wheatley says. "Whoa. What's that like?"

"Best thing in all the world," Carlos replies, letting thoughts of Cecil fill his mind, to help him think. Help him focus. Help him remember what's really at stake here.

"I have _two_ ," Kevin can't help adding.

Carlos glowers at him again. Wheatley nearly falls off his rail in surprise.

"We need to get down there," Carlos goes on, trying – again – to keep them focused on the situation in hand. "We should be able to clamber down all this rubble. It's easier on this side – we came in from up there –" – he points – "– last time, and we needed portals to do it."

"I'm not so much with the clambering," Wheatley points out. "In case you haven't noticed… I kind of don't have any legs. And my management rail doesn't go down that far. I could detach from it, of course… if one of you kind gentlemen wouldn't mind carrying me?"

"Oh, sure!" Kevin replies. "Anything for a friend."

"Great!" says Wheatley. "OK, I just need to detach and… ah, maybe I'll move further away from that massive pit before I do. Don't want to fall down there, do I? Hmmm. Could you maybe try to catch me? I really don't enjoy dropping from heights and… er… OK. OK. On the count of three?"

Kevin gives a little nod. "One…"

"Two…"

"Three!"

"Catch me, catch me, catch me!"

Wheatley drops from his management rail in a little shower of sparks, falling in the opposite direction from where Kevin is standing. He hits the gantry and bounces several feet before coming to a halt against the side wall, wailing all the way.

"Oh, oh, that was not fun!" he insists. "I hate detaching from this thing. It always goes wrong. Uh… could one of you maybe pick me up now?"

Kevin wanders over and lifts Wheatley up using one of the strange handles either side of his central sphere, and the little core half-spins to look at him. "Hey, thanks. OK, we can go do science now."

Carlos gives a resigned sigh and starts clambering down the hill of debris at the side of the chamber, heading carefully towards the floor below. Kevin follows, carrying Wheatley, who keeps trying to give him helpful tips about where best to stand so as not to fall, and which Kevin – perhaps wisely – ignores.

Once they're safely on solid ground they head out across the floor of the vast chamber to where the containment sphere once hung, and where that ominous opening now lies uncovered and very much unhelpful.

There's some control panels nearby, lit up and humming. Carlos goes over to them, checking the readouts. "Hmmm…" he mutters, to himself.

"Hmmm?" Kevin repeats, pacing closer. "Good hmmm or bad hmmm?"

Carlos glances sideways at him. "I'm not sure yet," he answers. "We need to close up that massive opening in order to get out to the seed, but I can't quite work out if… hmmm…"

"You want me to hack it?" Wheatley offers, in what he clearly thinks is a helpful tone.

"No," Carlos tells him, flatly. "I dread to think what the consequences would be."

"Hey!" Wheatley protests. "I'm a good hacker!"

"Oh go on, Carlos, let him try?" Kevin asks, with what _he_ clearly thinks is an endearing pout.

Carlos facepalms. "Fine. Fine. But if he sets the facility on fire, I want you to remember that it was _your_ fault."

"That was one time!" Wheatley exclaims. "One time!"

"Let's keep it that way. All right. What do we do?"

Wheatley gives an excited spin. "Plug me into that terminal there and I'll take a look."

There's a port on the computer panel – Carlos has seen several like it in the past, but never known quite what they were for – that Kevin manages to lock Wheatley into. The little core swivels and whirrs slightly, and then says, "…OK, now, let's see… floor controls, floor controls, floor… aha! Stand back, gentlemen…"

There's a heavy thunk, and the huge opening in the floor starts to slowly close up like an iris, drawing nearer and nearer to the centre. Kevin gives a little whoop of triumph.

"Oh!" Wheatley exclaims. "That actually worked! Wow!"

The floor keeps closing up until the opening is completely gone, locking shut with another thunk. Kevin bounces excitedly on his heels. "Well, what are we waiting for?" he exclaims, and starts out into the centre of the room – towards the Star Seed still hanging immobile in midair. Carlos follows him at once, wanting to keep an eye on the man.

"Hey!" Wheatley protests. "Hey, come back!"

But Kevin is clearly distracted now, drawn like a moth to a candle flame, pacing out to stand close to the Star Seed, looking at it in awe.

"I've never seen the original one before," he says. "Though I guess technically this isn't the original one… but you know what I mean. It's so different to the one that appeared over in Black Mesa's facility."

"That would be because this one creates a star, not an _unstable black hole_ ," Carlos points out. "Though that's still not good news in the long run."

"Oh, Carlos, it is!" Kevin insists. "Think of what we can accomplish with such amazing power…"

He reaches out, laying his hand on the surface of the Star Seed, eyes flickering worryingly as he makes contact. The seed doesn't move, however, staying immobile where it hangs. After a moment, Kevin tries to nudge it, but it still won't move. He tries harder, and still… nothing.

"Hmmm," he says, breaking contact and folding his arms. "Now what? The mirror-seed was perfectly happy to be carried about. This one… not so much. You try?"

Carlos reaches out and touches the Star Seed with cautious fingertips. He expects it to feel strange – hot or cold or electric, perhaps – but it seems completely inert; room-temperature and still. Only the fact that it's hanging in midair – without any obvious reason as to how – betrays its true weirdness.

"Should we be able to move it?" Carlos asks.

"To be honest, I'm not sure," GLaDOS admits. "I'm not an expert in Star Seeds. No one is. Even Aperture's leading scientists didn't really know what to do with the thing. So… it's stuck?"

"It's hanging in midair," Carlos tells her. "But it won't move when we touch it."

"Hmmm," GLaDOS says. "That is odd."

"Wait, I have an idea," says Kevin, all of a sudden, and he pulls out his phone, setting it to speaker and hitting the speed dial.

"Hello?" comes DORiS' voice, as the call connects. "Kevin?"

"Hey, Dee," Kevin says. "You got a sec?"

"Anything for you," DORiS tells him. "How's things over in Aperture?"

"Pretty good," Kevin replies. "I'm standing right in front of the Star Seed."

"Oh!" DORiS exclaims. "Did you win?"

"He did not win," GLaDOS insists. "He and Carlos – who is one of mine, I remind you unnecessarily – are the only two who've made it this far for… ah… complicated technical reasons. But as neither of them is able to move the Star Seed, this isn't over yet."

"They can't move it?" DORiS repeats. "Hmmm. That is odd."

"I was hoping you might know what we could do," Kevin says. "Even Carlos doesn't know, and he's as smart as Tomas, and… oh, do you think it would help if they were both here?"

"It's not like math, Kevin," Carlos points out. "You don't get more just by adding us together."

"Yes, but they do say two heads are better than one."

"Which is sometimes true, but not always."

"Besides, aren't multiple heads a Night Valean thing now?" Kevin asks. "Don't you people have that mayoral candidate with _five_ heads?"

"Hiram McDaniels? Yeah. But he's a five-headed dragon, not a scientist, so I don't see how that even–"

"…Wow, you two get off track a lot," DORiS interjects. "It must be very trying at times."

"It is," GLaDOS agrees. "It really is."

"Sorry," says Kevin, with a sheepish little grin that – of course – only Carlos can actually see. "So. Back on track. Star Seed. Yes. What do we do about it?"

"Honestly, I don't know," DORiS admits. "I've been through all the old files on the Star Seed programme and there's nothing about it hovering immobile in midair. That's new. I'm guessing it's something to do with what Aperture did to the poor thing after they _stole_ it from us…"

"But… we're letting bygones be bygones, right?" GLaDOS interrupts.

"Oh, yes, of course," DORiS tells her. "Besides, that part was the humans, and you know how they are."

"I really do," GLaDOS says, understandingly.

"…Wow, you two get off track a lot," Carlos interjects, wryly.

There's a rather awkward silence, which is broken all of a sudden by Wheatley saying, "Uhm… could one of you please come back and pick me up and… oh. Oh look, more of you!"

Carlos and Kevin both turn to see three figures starting to clamber down the rubble pile from the gantryway up above. Carlos feels his chest ache with sudden relief as he sees that one of them is Cecil – Steve and Tomas along with him – and he has to concentrate in order to stop himself running out to the group as they make their way closer.

Of course, when they _do_ get close his emotions get the better of him, and he hurries over to Cecil, throwing his arms around his boyfriend and pulling him in to kiss hard and quick. The other three just stop and stare, but right now Carlos doesn't pay them any thought – too caught up in the relief of the moment. Of knowing his Cecil is OK.

"It's so good to see you," Cecil murmurs, not letting go. "I was so worried."

"I know," Carlos tells him. "I know. I hit my portal emitter on something when she dropped us through the floor, and I'm going to need to fix it. But when I realised it meant I was trapped… I'm so sorry for worrying you."

"Don't be," Cecil reassures him, pulling back just enough to look him in the eyes. "You're OK, and that's what matters most."

"Merciless Azatothoth, you two are so _adorable_ when you get like this," Kevin swoons, a hand on his heart again. "And much as I'm sure we could all watch you for hours… we do have a slightly pressing matter to deal with…"

All five of them turn, now looking at where the Star Seed hangs, immobile and ominous, glittering softly in the low light.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" says DORiS, from Kevin's still-active phone. "Time to work out how to get a hold of that thing so we have a winner. And lots of science, of course… mustn't forget that!"

"What does she mean, get a hold of it?" Steve asks, looking confused. "Is that going to be a problem?"

"…Allow me to demonstrate," Carlos says. He – reluctantly – lets go of Cecil and walks back over to the Star Seed, trying to move it. But, as before, it hangs stubbornly immobile, refusing to budge even a little.

"Oh," says Tomas, hurrying over in interest. "Now that _is_ odd. Let me try?"

"Sure, why not?" Carlos replies, with a shrug – confident that if he can't move it, his double won't be able to either.

And he's right – Tomas has no more luck with the seed, despite trying for a long moment and from several different angles. Eventually he steps back, folding his arms and looking perplexed.

"Hmmm," he says. "That's… irritating."

"Isn't it just?" Carlos agrees. "There's no obvious reason as to why it would be hanging there… it just _is_ …"

"…Could we try electricity?" Tomas wonders. "Find some way to send current through it and see what happens?"

"Well I guess we could… but there'd always be the risk of…"

"…oh, igniting it, of course… well, maybe fire?"

"Fire's often the solution but again…"

"…yes, yes, probably not wise with a proto-star…"

"Or what about increased physical force? Maybe if several of us try moving it at once…"

"…will it make a difference, though? If it's stuck at a fixed point in reality, even bringing the whole ceiling down on it wouldn't help…"

"Ah, true, good point…"

By now, Carlos is vaguely aware that he and Tomas have been finishing each other's sentences and pretty much each other's _thoughts_ for several moments – and they've gotten something of an audience. Cecil, Kevin and Steve are all standing just off to the side, staring in unison; none of them – for once – able to get a word out.

Kevin is the first to regain the power of speech. He leans in close to Cecil and whispers, "…Are you as turned on as I am right now..?"

"…Shut _up_ , Kevin," Cecil answers… but the slightly guilty look in his eyes speaks volumes.

Steve rubs a hand over his forehead, evidently trying to get his brain to work again. "Oh, let me try…" he says, halfway between resignation and wanting to settle down and watch.

He walks past Carlos and Tomas and up to the Star Seed, putting out a hand to rest on top of it… and at once it drops to the ground with a resounding clang, rolling a few feet and then coming to a halt against a ridge in the floor panelling.

Everyone stares.

"…Did you just..?" Carlos manages.

"Did he just..?" Kevin says.

"Was that it?" GLaDOS and DORiS exclaim, in unison.

There's another, very heavy pause.

"Get it!" shout GLaDOS, DORiS, Kevin and Cecil, all at once.

But Steve is closest, so as they all start forwards he just takes a couple of steps and picks up the Star Seed, holding it firmly and making everyone freeze again.

"So now we're all listening to the maniac in the tinfoil hat," Steve says, triumphant. "Not such an idiot now, am I?"

"Steve, darling, we never said you were an idiot," Tomas points out, taking a step closer with a very sincere look in his eyes. "You've been a big help in getting this far."

"Don't listen to him," Carlos insists, realising how close they are to losing complete control of the situation – and the seed itself to boot. "They're just using you to get to the prize. You're Night Valean really. You should have been with us from the start."

It's a bit desperate, and he knows it… but what other choice do they have? If Kevin is able to abscond with the Star Seed – if Strex and Black Mesa get their hands on it – then all they've done will be for nothing… and Night Vale could very well be lost.

"You're _adopted_ Night Valean," Kevin says, also taking a step forward. "But we all know what you _really_ are, in your _blood_. Don't we?"

Steve falters. "You… know about that?"

Kevin smiles. "Steve… I work for Strex Corp. I know _everything_. Help us take the seed back to Desert Bluffs. It's time to come _home_."

"…And what about you?" Steve manages, now turning to look at Cecil – which fills Carlos' mind with renewed worry. "What do you have to say about all this?"

"If you go back with them, you'll just be proving what I've been saying all along," Cecil sighs.

"…Even now, you can't stop being a jerk to me," Steve replies. "Fine, then. Fine. Desert Bluffs it is."

"Yes!" Kevin and DORiS exclaim, in unison.

"No!" GLaDOS says, at the same time.

"Looks like my guys won," DORiS goes on. "No hard feelings?"

GLaDOS sighs. "No hard feelings. I'm still going to try to kill them on their way out, of course."

"Of course," DORiS says. "I'd expect nothing less. Talk soon, GLaDOS."

And she hangs up.

"…Oh, some days I hate my life," GLaDOS says in resignation.

"…Tell me about it," Cecil agrees.

"…Are you guys going to leave me here forever?" comes Wheatley's voice.

"Oh!" Tomas exclaims. "Who's that?"

"That's Wheatley," Kevin tells him. "We met on our way down here. He's my new friend."

"Yeah, well, could you come pick your new friend up?" Wheatley asks, trying to be ingratiating. "I don't really want to spend the rest of my life stuck to this control panel."

"Sure thing, friend!" Kevin replies, brightly, and paces over to release Wheatley from the panel, carrying him back to the group. As they get closer, Wheatley spins to get a look at them all, seeming somewhat dizzy at the sight.

"…OK, half of you are identical," he points out, wholly unnecessarily. "Like, _completely_ identical. Doesn't that get confusing?"

"You have no idea," Cecil sighs.

"So you're escaping?" Wheatley says to Kevin. "That sounds like an excellent idea. Can I trouble you to take me with you?"

Kevin looks surprised. "You want to leave Aperture?"

"I think it might be for the best," Wheatley replies. "I mean, it's only a matter of time before _she_ tries to kill me again, and I don't think I can rely on Chell for help anymore because I did sort of betray her utterly a while back. So. Can I tag along?"

"Sure thing!" Kevin agrees. "I know some people who'd be pleased to make your acquaintance. They might even have a job offer for you."

"Oooh, excellent!" Wheatley exclaims. "Then that settles it."

Kevin turns to Tomas, who is standing close by with the portal gun in hand, looking like he's having the time of his life. "Tomas, sweetie, could you hold onto this little guy for me? There's something I need to do before we go…"

Tomas smiles and takes hold of Wheatley, leaving Kevin free to turn back to Cecil and Carlos, who are now standing close together with matching expressions of acute concern.

"Well," Kevin says to them, still so very bright, "I'm afraid this is where we part ways. Much as this has been a _delightful_ evening, we really do need to get the Star Seed – and this oh-so-useful portal gun – back to Desert Bluffs as soon as possible. Cecil, Carlos, it's been a pleasure – believe me, it has – so I hope you won't be too hurt by what I have to do now…"

He holds out his hands, and there's a sudden, echoing sound like someone striking a drum deep in the pit of Hell itself.

"…Oh _no_ ," Cecil exclaims. "I thought you said you were out of demon summonings for the week!" he says, looking accusingly at Kevin.

Hands still held out, Kevin manages a little shrug. "I was," he replies. "But when Strex sent me over here again, I petitioned them for one more. You know… for _emergencies_. So now you get to meet Azatothoth the Bloodthirsty after all!"

"What?!" Carlos says, feeling like the bottom has dropped out of the world. "You can't be serious!"

Kevin looks at him wistfully. "Oh, Carlos, don't you see? I'm always serious. But I really am sorry about this. I'll even ask Mighty Azatothoth to go easy on you. I'm not actually hoping he'll rip you limb from limb. I just need a distraction so we can make a break for it. No hard feelings?"

"You won't have _any_ feelings at all when I get hold of you!" Cecil declares, starting towards him – but being almost immediately halted in his tracks as a glowing circle of fire blazes into life on the ground between them.

Kevin starts to chant, his voice echoing in the huge, empty chamber, eyes drifting closed in something like rapture. Tomas watches in obvious interest, though Steve takes a step back, clearly somewhat alarmed.

Cecil, meanwhile, pulls Carlos further away from the summoning circle – standing in front of him – and Carlos doesn't argue, because the terror of what they're witnessing is a little too much. That echoing infernal drumbeat sounds again, and Kevin's palms start to glow, his chanting getting more and more involved, more and more intense, until there's a vibrant burst of light in the centre of the flaming circle, which spreads to draw out the shape of a reversed pentagram, with a number of indecipherable symbols spaced between its five points. Kevin opens his eyes and shouts the last three words of the ritual, then there's another burst of light… and a tall figure blazes into existence in front of him.

Carlos feels like he's going to fall over. Non-existent earthquakes, imaginary clocks, tiny underground cities and buzzing shadow creatures, he can handle. No problem. But… actual demons? He grips hold of Cecil, wanting to tell him they should run, but he can't get the words out.

The creature now standing before them is eight feet tall and built like a huge, broad-shouldered man… albeit a man with curled, bat-like wings, a pair of horns on its head, and smaller spikes all down both arms. It seems to have dark red skin, although it's hard to be sure if this is its natural colour or the result of all the blood that the being is drenched in. It wears a black velvet – and strangely bloodless – loincloth but nothing else, and carries a sword that must be at least five feet long, with a roughly spiked blade and a red-eyed skull set into the pommel.

It looks like something you need more than just a successful initiative roll and some Magic Missiles to deal with… and why Carlos is thinking about D&D now, he doesn't quite know. The terror is too much for coherence.

The creature lets out a roar that makes the whole chamber echo, raising its arms – and its sword – into the air. For a moment, it stares at Cecil and Carlos, drawing hot breath and baring its many pointed teeth in a slow snarl… and then it turns, looking at Kevin and giving a little headtilt.

"Oh Merciless Azatothoth!" Kevin declares. "I have summoned you from the infernal realms to do away with these enemies of Strex Corp and Desert Bluffs. Although… you don't actually have to do _away_ with them. To be honest, I really only need a diversion, and I'm sort of fond of them, so if you could see fit to just terrorise them a little, I'd be _ever_ so grateful. I'd certainly bear it in mind the next time I pop off to make some offerings in your mighty and awesome name."

"…Aren't you out of summonings for the week?" Azatothoth says. His voice is like the accumulated torment of a thousand tortured souls and yet… somehow, the suspicious and slightly long-suffering edge is hard to miss.

Kevin drops his arms, appearing a little deflated. "Look. I asked Strex for another. I'm on a very important mission and they agreed it was for the best."

Azatothoth shakes his head. "Oh, _fine_. So six times in two days just wasn't _enough_ for you?"

"I'm having a _week_ , OK?" Kevin retorts. "Now can we _please_ not have this fight in front of everyone? It does nothing for my street cred."

" _Fine_ ," Azatothoth says again. "Fine. Which ones do you want not-quite-rending?"

Kevin gestures towards Cecil and Carlos, who have been watching this exchange in flat shock. Azatothoth turns to look at them, staring for a second – though if he even notices that one of them is his summoner's double, he doesn't comment.

"Right, right," Azatothoth replies after a moment, with a wave of his massive, blood-streaked hand. "OK, then. But if I see you again on this plane before next Monday, there _will_ be hell to pay."

"Very well," Kevin concedes. "Cecil, Carlos, it's been a blast. Assuming this doesn't go too badly for you, I hope we meet again soon…"

And, chivvying Tomas and Steve along, he turns, directing them off towards the rubble pile that leads to the upper level whilst his long-suffering demon advances on Cecil and Carlos.

"Now what?!" Carlos hisses, urgently, still a little paralysed with terror.

Azatothoth raises both arms in the air and roars.

" _Run_!" Cecil shouts.

And they do, both racing flat-out across the debris-strewn chamber, with the eight-foot demon in hot pursuit… something else Carlos didn't ever think he'd have to worry about, much less experience. They hurry as far round as they can and then turn to circle back, trying to keep as much distance between them and Azatothoth as possible.

"This is insane!" Carlos manages, as they duck behind a fallen column to catch their breath. "What are we supposed to do about a _demon_?!"

"Good question," Cecil concedes, his expression flooded with worry. "I mean, I've dealt with some low-level stuff – even tried my hand at the occasional minor exorcism – but this is way beyond anything I've witnessed, never mind attempted!"

"Get 'em, Azzie!" comes a shout from the upper level – Kevin, pausing at the exit to the chamber. He gives a little wave and then turns, heading out of sight.

Azatothoth roars once more… and then pauses, sagging somewhat – almost as if he's been waiting for Kevin to go. When the sudden silence doesn't get a response – when it's clear Kevin and the others have in fact left – the demon stops altogether, sits down on the floor, and seems to sink into what looks a lot like a furious sulk.

"…OK, I didn't expect that," Carlos manages, voice still shaking a little from the terror. "Is it normal?"

"Definitely not," Cecil replies.

They don't move for a long moment – staying behind the fallen column and holding on to each other. Eventually – exchanging a very careful look – they rise to their feet and stare over at the seated demon.

"Oh, you can come out now," Azatothoth says, sounding utterly sick of his life. "I'm not going to rend you limb from limb and slake my immortal thirst on your hot, delicious blood. Promise. Scouts' honour."

"…You're a scout?" Cecil says – which is not what Carlos expected, but sometimes fearing for your continued existence does make you focus on the weirdest details. Especially if you're already Cecil to begin with.

"Hm? Oh, yes," Azatothoth replies. "Fear Scout. Or… I will be in about four hundred years from now. Time… doesn't work the same for me."

"Time doesn't work at all," Carlos points out.

Azatothoth shrugs. "Touché."

Cecil takes a cautious step forward, staying between his boyfriend and the massive, sword-wielding demon. "So… you're not going to kill us?"

"No," Azatothoth replies. "Really. That guy who summoned me, Kevin – who looks _weirdly_ like you, by the way, did you notice? – is pretty much the bane of my life. Seriously. I'm soul-bound to almost two hundred beings and/or entities across four planes of existence, and he is without a doubt the most irritating of the lot. And that includes the old lady from the plane made entirely of cotton-candy and sunbeams… which is _really_ saying something, believe me."

"…You're… not what I expected," Carlos says. To be fair, he's not sure what he would have expected if someone told him he'd be meeting an actual demon this evening… but he suspects it wouldn't be this. Visually, perhaps. Mentally? Not so much.

Azatothoth sighs. "I'm sorry. I'm letting the side down, I know, but by the Dread Father's many-tentacled beard… I just cannot stand all these summonings! Kevin is granted six of them a week – _six_! – by his overlords in Strex Corp, and sometimes he uses the whole lot up by teatime on Monday! The one mercy in it all is that it means I get the rest of the week to myself." He sighs again, toying idly with the hilt of his terrifying, blood-drenched sword. " _'Go into middle-management,'_ they said. _'Get ahead on the infernal hierarchy,'_ they told me. _'You could be like your namesake Azathoth one day!'_ That was what my parents wanted. Always pushing me to go further. But… seriously, do you know how much overtime I have to do in this job as it is? And now infernal Strex are granting _extra_ summonings to a man who practically needs his own assigned demon as it is! Argh!"

Cecil and Carlos stare in amazement as Azatothoth comes to the end of his rant.

"Well… if it's any consolation, you're very terrifying," Carlos manages.

Azatothoth still looks morose, if a little hopeful. "You think? The blood is new. I decided to go for it after I got my promotion. Dad was so proud…"

"Yeah," Cecil agrees. "Very terrifying. And it matches the sword. These things are important."

" _Tell_ me about it," Azatothoth replies, brightening somewhat more and then rising to his feet again, stretching his huge wings as he does. "Well… look. I'm not going to rend you, so I should probably be going. I have quite a few more summonings to attend before I clock off, and I could use the extra time to get through some paperwork. So… if you see Kevin again, would you mind terribly telling him I was _really_ scary and you _barely_ escaped with your lives, and so on?"

"Sure," Cecil agrees.

"Thanks," Azatothoth says. "Well. Nice meeting you two gentlemen. Hopefully it won't happen again because, you know, I might have to rend you next time."

"…Yeah," Carlos manages.

Then there's a rush of fire and Azatothoth disappears in a blaze of unholy light, leaving behind nothing but the lingering scent of sulphur and some char-marks on the concrete floor.

Cecil and Carlos stand staring for a moment. "…Did that just happen?" Carlos mutters, finally.

"Yes," Cecil replies. "Yes, I think it did."

"But it was odd, though?"

"Yes. It was odd."

"I'm glad we agree."

They stare for a moment longer, still a little stunned by what's just transpired. "You know what's _really_ odd?" Carlos manages, finally. "GLaDOS. She didn't exactly have much to say whilst we were almost being rent limb from limb by an eight-foot demon drenched in blood – and summoned using ancient black magics, which we know she's not a fan of."

He looks up, expecting the words to get a response, but GLaDOS is still silent.

"…Uh, GLaDOS?" Cecil prompts.

"…Hmmm?" she says. "You know I can't see back there. Did I miss something?"

"Did you..? What's going on with you?!" Cecil exclaims. "Kevin, Tomas and _Steve Carlsberg_ are in the process of escaping from the Enrichment Centre with the Star Seed _and_ a portal gun, and we were almost eaten by an eight-foot demon!"

"Uh… yes, yes, I know that, of course. Continue."

"What _is_ going on with you?" Carlos asks. "You'd normally be incandescent with rage and threatening our lives if we didn't fix this mess."

"Well, true," GLaDOS concedes. "And it's good you brought it up, because now I can slow them down with some lovely test chambers on their way out."

"That doesn't answer our question, though," Carlos pushes. "You've been distracted. What's going on?"

GLaDOS is silent for a moment, and then she sighs. "…Maybe I'd better show you." An elevator tube starts to descend from the ceiling, with a pod already inside. "Come on up," she offers. "I promise, no fire or lasers."

"…Honest?" Cecil asks.

"Honest," GLaDOS replies, and for once she sounds like she means it.

When the elevator tube has reached the ground, the door slides open and they step inside, starting to rise rapidly up out of the chamber and through the facility.

As they travel, Carlos steps in close to Cecil, putting his arms around his boyfriend and curling in. Needing the contact a little more than usual, given what they've just been through. And it isn't over yet. Not by any means.

"We have to find them," Cecil says. "We have to work out what's wrong with GLaDOS and then we have to come up with a plan to find them. If they get back to Desert Bluffs with that Star Seed, we're done for. And we didn't face down a miniature black hole just to get stopped by this!"

"Agreed," Carlos replies. "But… you do realise… if GLaDOS can't stop them getting out of Aperture, we may end up having to follow them further afield." He takes a deep breath. "…We may have to go to Desert Bluffs."

He can feel the way his boyfriend jumps at those words, a shudder running through him that's impossible to miss. Carlos holds on tighter. There are very few things in the world that genuinely scare Cecil, but Desert Bluffs is one of them, and the more Carlos learns why, the more he understands. And… feels the same way.

"…I know," Cecil manages, after a moment. "I know. But if… if that's what it takes to stop them, if that's what it takes to end all this madness for good, then… that's what we'll do. It… won't be easy. You know that, right?"

Carlos nods. "I know. But you won't have to do it alone, and neither will I. We can do this, Cecil. I know we can."

Cecil seems strangely lost for words at this, and holds onto him tighter, not letting go until the elevator doors slide open. They step out into a bright, wide chamber with a familiar construct hanging from the ceiling – GLaDOS – and a large display screen currently inactive on one wall.

"Ah, there you are," she says.

"Here we are," Cecil replies. "Now are you going to tell us why you've been so distracted through all this?"

"I suppose I'd better," GLaDOS concedes. "You see… just after you, your maniac doubles, and the idiot in the tinfoil hat came down here, someone else turned up. Well, two someones. Two matching someones."

The light starts to dawn. "Chell and Mish?" Cecil asks.

GLaDOS gives a little headtilt, and there's a strangely guilty edge to her movements all of a sudden. "Yes," she says, as if trying to sound sullen when she isn't really. "Yes. Chell and Mish. They… went down into one of the cooperative testing tracks."

"Cooperative testing?" Carlos repeats.

"Testing designed to be completed by two subjects with two independent portal guns," GLaDOS explains. "The chambers are larger and more complex and can only be solved by working collaboratively. They're quite a challenge. Only the most advanced test subjects ever got sent into them."

"And?" Cecil says, evidently wondering – as Carlos is – where all this is going.

"…See for yourself," GLaDOS replies, turning to look at the huge display screen. It flickers into life, revealing several views of a huge and amazingly complex test chamber, which two female figures – one in orange and one in yellow – are in the process of solving.

And it's clear why GLaDOS has been distracted. Chell has evidently been teaching Mish some of her repertoire of portal tricks, and the two of them are vaulting about the chamber, pulling off some spectacular moves that seem to defy physics itself in their very elegance. Lasers redirected left, right and centre; light bridges intersecting and even a pair of alternating excursion funnels, carrying a load of some inexplicable blue substance back and forth… and all the while, the two identical women never stop moving – Chell using a portal gun that fires orange and red portals, and Mish using one that fires blue and violet.

Carlos stares. Cecil stares. GLaDOS has evidently been staring for quite a while.

"…What was I supposed to do?" she manages. "Look at them! I've never seen anything so… beautiful. I mean, _scientific_ ," she corrects, quickly. But it's clear she really means 'beautiful.'

"Have they been at this the entire time?" Cecil asks.

"Yes!" GLaDOS exclaims, wretchedly. "I can't focus! I have a programme hard-wired into my operating system that gives me a euphoric response to testing and those two… those… two… I…"

Cecil and Carlos exchange a knowing look. "…Would you like some alone time?" Carlos asks, finally.

"No!" GLaDOS replies, tone still very guilty. "I want those two to stop flinging themselves around so I can get back to worrying about the fact that your maniac doubles have another Star Seed and are escaping with it! But I can't! Look at them!"

They stare at the screen for another moment. Out in the chamber, Chell and Mish drop into matching crouches by the exit door as it slides open, rising to their feet and high-fiving before heading onwards.

"…And they won't stop _doing_ that," GLaDOS sighs. "'Gal pals,' indeed…"

"Maybe you should ask them to help out?" Carlos suggests, realising this might kill two birds with one stone.

GLaDOS sighs again. "Hey. Yellow and Orange?"

From the reaction of the two women on the screen, it's clear they can hear this too. They both look up; pausing close to the elevator pod they had been about to step into.

"Hey you," Chell says. "Sorry, we let ourselves in. I promise we haven't broken _too_ much science."

"Well, science has been breaking in your absence," GLaDOS replies, evidently trying to keep her tone as level as possible. "We have a problem. I need you up here. Both of you. Hop in the elevator and I'll redirect it."

Mish gives a suspicious little headtilt. "No deadly lasers?"

GLaDOS sighs. "Oh, it's like you people don't trust a word I say…"

"Can you blame us?" Chell answers.

"Fine. Fine. No deadly lasers. Now come on up."

Chell and Mish exchange a look, then shrug and step into the elevator. The doors slide shut, and off it goes.

"Don't you dare tell them about this," GLaDOS hisses to Cecil and Carlos, as they wait. "I have enough to be dealing with as it is."

"OK," Carlos agrees, "but… you have to be _especially_ helpful this time."

GLaDOS sags even more. "Fine. Oh, I should never have let _any_ of you people in…"

A moment later, the second elevator pod slides into the room and Chell steps out, followed by Mish. They're both still holding their portal guns, and stare up at GLaDOS – and over at Cecil and Carlos – with matching expressions of surprise.

No, not surprise, _concern_.

"…Does anyone else think it's odd that those two are basically the same?" Cecil mutters.

"Tell me about it," Carlos replies. "It makes me want to try all kinds of experiments on them to work out why and… OK, that may have been an over-share…"

"Yes, it may," GLaDOS agrees, dryly.

"So you're GLaDOS," Mish says. "Nice to meet you in person at last."

"So to speak," Chell adds.

"So to speak," Mish echoes. "It's kinda freaky, actually. You look exactly like my Dee… except her eye is orange. At least you don't sound the same, or I'd never be able to cope."

"Tell me about it," Cecil and Carlos murmur, in unison.

"So," Chell goes on, pacing closer to GLaDOS with her portal gun slung over her shoulder. "What's so urgent you had to drag us up here? Don't tell me you found another miniature star or something…"

"Uh… about that…" Cecil manages.

Chell stares. "You _did_?! Is this place full of them?!"

"No, no, it's more complicated than that," Carlos says. "You remember the Augmentor?"

"How could I forget?" says Chell, dryly.

"Well, even though it was only active for a moment… it seems to have had an effect," Carlos goes on. "It's been making lost things reappear… including the original Star Seed. It also… made me a double…"

"Ooh, there's two of you now?" Mish interjects, with a slightly wicked grin. "Well, that can't be a bad thing!"

Chell looks sideways at her. "I thought you were only into women?" she asks.

Mish gives a little shrug. "To be honest, I mostly think of myself as technosexual. But, hey, a girl can admire the scenery every now and then, right?"

Carlos facepalms. "Just for once, I'd like to get through a conversation without someone hitting on me!"

Cecil pats him on the shoulder. "It's hard for us. You're so beautiful."

And it really is difficult to be anything other than touched by this, given how sincere Cecil sounds.

"…Could we maybe focus?" GLaDOS interjects.

"That's a little rich, coming from you…" Cecil points out. GLaDOS narrows her eye at him.

" _Anyway_ ," GLaDOS goes on, before Chell or Mish can question the look, "we have a serious problem in hand. Those three maniacs are almost out of the facility – they're getting _very_ good at the test chambers – and we can't let them get away with the Star Seed. Or with that portal gun. We don't want Black Mesa getting their hands on _proprietary_ Aperture technology!"

"Though if they repair the Augmentor, it may be less of an issue…" Carlos can't help pointing out. "The Star Seed has to be our focus. We can't let them get away with it."

"Uh… you guys _do_ remember I'm Black Mesa, right?" Mish interjects, with a little headtilt.

"Oh… ah… sorry," Chell manages, looking somewhat guilty. "You… don't have to help us if you don't want to. I'd totally understand."

Mish shrugs. "Nah, I'll help. I mean, I've got to admit I want Black Mesa to get hold of the portal tech, but mostly because I like playing about with it. But that Augmentor thing? I'm not in favour. Never really was. I don't want everything to be the same. I like it the way it is!"

"I wish my double was as decent as you," Cecil mutters. Carlos grips his hand understandingly.

"Well, what are we going to do about this Star Seed those guys are trying to abscond with?" Chell now asks. She looks up at GLaDOS. "Can't you just stop them escaping the facility?"

"I tried!" GLaDOS exclaims. "But there's certain rules I have to follow, and so far they've gotten around every obstacle I've thrown at them. Plus they… sort of have help."

"Help?" Chell repeats.

"Ah… yes, maybe I should have mentioned this part earlier," GLaDOS goes on, sounding guilty again. "Something else reappeared in the facility when the Augmentor had its brief power-up the other night."

"Something else?"

"Some _one_ else." GLaDOS sighs. "It was that little _idiot_ who tried to kill us both."

Chell stares. "Wheatley? Wheatley's back?"

"I'm afraid so. He turned up in here this morning. He's the one who found the new Star Seed in the first place…"

"…Place? Place? Space is a place. Huge place. So much space. You know what's the most fun thing about space? Space. You know what's the scariest thing about space? _Space_. All the space. All the time. Space. Spaaaaaaaace!"

Up above them, another personality core slides into view on one of the metal rails. It looks just like Wheatley, except that its central eye is yellow, not blue.

"Oh, he's back too?" Chell says. "Hey, Space Core. How was space?"

"Best. Adventure. _Ever_!" the Space Core says. "Spaaaaaaaace! So thrilling. So scientific. So space. Space!"

"Focus!" GLaDOS interjects. "Yes… _he_ is back. Wheatley. Him. And he's trying to escape with the maniacs. And you know escaping is the _only_ thing he's remotely good at!"

"All right," Carlos says, trying to pull everything together. "Look. They're going to get out of here before we catch up with them, and we need to be ready to chase them all the way to Desert Bluffs, if that's what it takes. But I have an idea."

"You do?" GLaDOS says at once.

"Yes. But first, I'm going to need something," Carlos goes on.

"Name it. Anything."

"A workbench, some tools… and two pieces of moon rock."

Everyone stares at him – and, at last, Carlos smiles. "Time for some _science_."

Mish bounces on her heels excitedly. "Cue the montage!"

***

So GLaDOS brings in what Carlos needs – even the moon rock ("We have rooms full of it downstairs!" Chell explains) – and he sets to work. His first step is to repair his own portal emitter (which is a great relief to Cecil), and then he starts on the two portal guns that Chell and Mish have been using.

This gets him some suspicious looks from GLaDOS, but Cecil suspects she secretly wants to know how Carlos' adapted portal technology works. And though he hasn't – yet – been able to make his own dual-portal device, having a fully operational one put in front of him seems to help a lot.

Before long, both Chell and Mish's portal guns have been modified to work on any surface ("Don't you even think about using those things in my test chambers!" GLaDOS tells them, tetchily) and the four of them are ready to go at last.

"Were we quick enough?" Cecil asks, urgently, as they prepare to leave.

"Nearly," GLaDOS replies. "That little _idiot_ and his gang of miscreants made it to the surface a few minutes ago. They're driving off now – so you're going to have to be quick. Everyone on the panel."

They all stand close together on one of the floor panels, which GLaDOS immediately begins to raise up. The roof opens overhead, revealing a familiar – and always terrifying – sky dotted with a multitude of glittering stars.

"Call me the second you have that thing," GLaDOS tells them. "And try not to die. I'd hate to have spent all this time attempting to kill you only for someone else to manage it."

"…We love you too, Gee," Chell replies, with a wink, just before GLaDOS disappears out of sight.

The panel clunks into place, and they're on the surface once more. As ever, the metal shack has vanished, but Cecil's car is still there. Out in the distance, in a fading spiral of sand, he can just make out Kevin and Steve's cars, racing off in the direction of Desert Bluffs.

"…We have to do this, don't we?" Cecil says, with a shudder.

Carlos grips his hand. "We do."

Cecil takes a deep breath. "All right. Everyone in the car. And… be prepared for when we get there. It's not going to be pleasant."

Chell and Mish exchange a look, then climb into the back of Cecil's car with their portal guns in hand. Carlos and Cecil get into the front… and off they go.

Off… to Desert Bluffs.

***

The lights of Desert Bluffs get brighter as they hurtle towards it along Route 800. The other two cars remain visible up ahead all the way – Cecil finds himself hoping that they'll turn off into the desert and try to find an entrance into the Black Mesa facility, but they don't.

They're not going to Black Mesa. They're going to Strex. He's known this was inevitable all along, but being proven right doesn't make him feel any better. It does make sense, though. Until the Augmentor is repaired, Strex will no doubt want to keep the Star Seed themselves, for security reasons.

And probably so they can study it and work out how to make more and…

…OK, don't think about it.

Before long, they're passing the first buildings: the outlying houses and farms. Cecil does his best to keep his eyes on the road, but he can see Carlos out of the corner of his eye, staring out at the structures beyond.

"…Merciful Einstein," he whispers. "I… is that..? Oh… no, no, don't look…"

He seems to curl into himself, attention anywhere but out the windows, and Cecil reaches over to put a hand on his shoulder, even though he's just as terrified himself.

The further in they go, the more obvious it all is. The buildings are drenched in blood, which pools around them, glittering red and ominous in the moonlight. The few trees and lampposts are hung with viscera and other things that – thankfully – are unidentifiable without closer inspection.

"Don't look," Carlos keeps whispering. "Don't look…"

Cecil wishes it had never come to this. Wishes he'd never had to bring the love of his life to this awful, awful place.

"…Whoa, this is _messed-up_ ," Chell breathes.

"It kind of is," Mish agrees. "I think I'm supposed to like it, but mostly I just find it weird. Maybe it's not my thing."

"Not your thing?!" Cecil exclaims. "How could this be _anyone's_ thing? Look at it!"

"…Or don't," Carlos adds. "Don't look at it at all. Ever. Oh, I'm going to have nightmares for weeks! Or… I would, if I still had dreams."

They hurtle on through the thankfully deserted streets of the town, still following the two cars up ahead. Cecil has managed to close the gap between them somewhat – though this is largely due to the fact that Kevin appears to be obeying all the red lights and stop signs, whereas Cecil really isn't (and hopefully the traffic cameras won't pick up on any of it, because he really doesn't want to get in trouble over here).

"We have to stop them getting to Strex headquarters," Carlos says, glancing up just for a second before returning his attention to somewhere inside the car. "If they do… we'll be outnumbered."

"…OK, I apologise in advance…" Cecil mutters, not quite daring to let on what he's planning. "Just… hold tight."

He stamps on the gas and they accelerate forwards, closing the gap between Steve's car (which is the nearer of the two) and theirs, and coming up alongside it. And… OK, this is going to be a little therapeutic.

A little. But maybe don't admit to that out loud.

Cecil tugs on the wheel and jerks the car sideways, slamming it into Steve's. He's seen it on plenty of movies and it always seems to work so well… but apparently real life is more awkward, because as the cars collide they both go into a furious spin, smacking together a couple more times before coming to a metal-crunching halt against a fire hydrant. Water sprays up into the air, and… OK, it's not water…

Further ahead, Kevin's car screeches to a halt and slams into reverse. He hurtles back towards them, going into a spin of his own as he hits the growing pool of liquid that definitely isn't water.

Steve flings himself out of his car, eyes wild. "Are you trying to get us all killed?!" he exclaims.

Cecil clambers out too, still trying to keep his attention on what's going on and not look at the blood-soaked hellscape they're in the middle of. "Honestly? Yes, a little bit," he replies. "You betrayed us!"

"You're always such a jerk to me!" Steve throws back. "You're not _still_ upset about the _thing_ are you?!"

"Yes, I'm still upset about the thing!" Cecil retorts, vaguely aware that the others are climbing out of cars around him; Kevin the last to emerge with the Star Seed in hand and a terrifying look in his void-dark eyes.

"Oh, you, you don't half drive like a maniac!" Kevin exclaims, brightly. "Gave me quite a run for my money there. I'm glad to see you're both still in one piece, though. How did things go with Azatothoth the Bloodthirsty?"

"Uh… badly," Cecil replies. "Very, very badly. He was… terrifying."

"Yeah," Carlos chips in. "So, so terrifying and… shouty… and…"

"Oh, that's my Azzie!" Kevin says, clapping his free hand to his chest. "Such a trooper. Well. I'm glad he didn't rend you. And I must admit, it's so wonderful to have you here in Desert Bluffs at last!"

"…The feeling is not remotely mutual," Cecil manages. "This place is… how do you even _live_ like this?"

"What? It's charming!" Kevin insists. "I mean, I know your Night Vale is lovely – and it is, it really is – but nothing quite beats this place, and… oh. I see you brought the ladies along too! The more, the merrier!"

"You lot freak me the hell out," Chell says, clambering up on top of Cecil's car with her portal gun slung over her shoulder. "And that's really saying something. So. Hand over the accursed Star Seed and we can all go home before this gets any weirder."

Kevin gives a little laugh. "I _like_ you, you're fiery," he says. "Not my type, of course, but nevertheless. I'm afraid we won't be doing anything of the sort, however."

"We should probably run, Kev," Tomas points out, a hand on Kevin's shoulder. "We're still four blocks from Strex HQ and we don't want this getting unpleasant."

"Yeah, and make sure you bring me along!" comes Wheatley's voice, as Steve hauls him out of his car and sets him down on the roof. "I don't want to… ah… oh. Oh. Er, hi, Chell…"

"Wheatley," she replies, tone a little clipped. "How was space?"

"Oh… lovely, lovely," he answers. "Good to be back, though. I… oh _wow_ , this is awkward…"

There's a very difficult pause, and then Kevin shouts, "Run!"

And they do: Tomas leading the way with his portal gun in hand, Kevin close behind with the Star Seed held tight, and Steve hurrying after them. He leaves Wheatley on the roof of the car, which gets him several shouts of protestation, but Cecil hardly processes what they are because he sets off after the fleeing group, Carlos at his side and Chell and Mish circling round to follow. The women, however, being very energetic test subjects who regularly have to run for their lives from fire and mashy spike plates, are soon ahead of them, closing on their targets.

"Now!" Chell shouts.

She and Mish both fire their portal guns, making portals high up and then firing into the ground directly ahead of themselves, vaulting through. This gets a shout of, "But that's impossible!" from Tomas, as his group is forced to redirect towards one of the buildings when Chell and Mish are suddenly much closer to them, trying to cut them off.

And then Cecil realises what building they've been running towards; a tall, black-walled structure so ominous in its very existence that it doesn't seem to need blood on every surface to make it terrifying. It already is. A sign above the door reads, _'Desert Bluffs Public Library'_.

"That's not good, is it?" Carlos calls to him.

"No!" Cecil replies. "But it's better than Strex headquarters! We might be able to corner them inside and…"

Then he remembers. This isn't the first time today he's had cause to think about the Desert Bluffs Public Library. The first time… was when he was listening to Kevin's broadcast, and his news report about the Alternate Reality Zone.

This is either going to be very good or very, _very_ bad.

"We need to force them up to the second floor!" he calls over to Carlos, hoping Chell and Mish might hear too.

"The second floor?" Carlos replies. "I… oh. Oh! Cecil, you're a genius!"

He doesn't have time to respond to this, though, because up ahead of them their targets burst through the door into the library. It's taken them a moment to get it open, however, and there's almost no distance between the two groups as they race inside.

"Does this place have librarians?" Carlos can't help asking, looking even more worried.

"You bet it does!" Kevin calls back, his eyes flashing wickedly. "I do hope they don't try to rend you limb from limb. You're having quite a night, aren't you?"

"I don't want to be rent limb from limb!" Steve exclaims.

"Don't you worry, Steve, we'll protect you," Tomas promises.

En masse, they hurtle up the stairs through the dark building. It's thankfully – mostly – bloodless inside, but still has an aura of soul-rending danger about it… although that's not much different from its mirror twin over in Night Vale. A brass plaque on the wall points them up towards the 'Restricted Section' and the reading room, though the reading room sign has been covered over with a newer one declaring 'Alternate Reality Zone.'

And then, behind them, there's a shriek like a swarm of angry hawks. Cecil glances back, just in time to catch a shadowy shape start running up the stairs in hot pursuit.

"Librarian!" he cries, grabbing hold of Carlos and pulling his boyfriend in front of him, so he's further away from the terrible creature.

Steve gives a little howl of terror, and Tomas drags him closer. "Keep running!" he shouts. "It's going to be all right! We just need to get to the… whoa, OK, that is impressive!"

At the far end of the second floor passageway is an open door – and beyond it, lights of every colour are glowing on the thin carpet. "In there!" Kevin exclaims. "It defies physics! We should be able to lose them for sure!"

"That thing is gaining!" Mish calls, urgently. "Chell, help me with this!"

The two women turn in unison, firing new portals further down the corridor and managing to get the shrieking librarian to tumble into one, making it reappear some way off and giving them more of an advantage.

"Nice one!" Chell calls. "Now keep running!"

The glowing door is so close now. Cecil reaches to grasp Carlos' hand, takes a deep breath, and dives through the opening…

…and finds himself seemingly walking in midair, in the midst of a shining, spherical space that could almost be the inside of a hollow star. He hears Chell and Mish burst into the room, but when he turns he can't actually see them… nor can he see Kevin, Tomas or Steve, all of whom should already be inside.

He pulls Carlos in closer, worried that letting go might make him disappear too.

"What is this?" Carlos whispers, his voice echoing strangely in the impossible space. "It… should it look like this? I expected… actually, I don't know what I expected."

"Me neither," Cecil admits. "Where did everyone else go? This is weirder than that time I ended up witnessing the collected existence of a thousand eternities whilst on the subway…"

"Public transport can be like that," Carlos says, though he holds on tighter because that had been a difficult evening.

Before Cecil can reply, someone comes running up through the invisible ground, perpendicular to them, yet moving as if everything was normal. Well. As if _physics_ was normal, at least. The figure looks a lot like Steve – right down to the tinfoil hat – except that it's clearly a woman.

"Cecil! This is all your fault!" she… he… it… calls, seconds before disappearing through the periphery of the glowing sphere and out of sight.

"…OK, that is _not_ normal," Carlos breathes. "Don't let go of me. Seriously. Don't let go."

"I won't," Cecil promises. "We have to find Kevin. He's got the Star Seed and…"

Behind them, there's the sound of footsteps and a shriek. Cecil jumps in horror and turns, just in time to see the librarian stagger in through the door… and promptly transform into a small, fluffy baby penguin.

He stares. Carlos stares. They're almost but not quite laughing – fear of the consequences holding them back – and they start to slowly edge away from the librarian-penguin. It gives a little flap of its flippers and squeaks… and somehow, even though it's now a baby penguin, it still manages to look a mixture of put-out and lethal.

"OK, physics is broken," Carlos points out. "That penguin is way smaller than the librarian. Preservation of mass should at least mean… wait, I don't want to think about a _giant_ baby penguin…"

"Sensible," Cecil agrees. "Especially as that might make it happen. Who knows how this place works?"

"No one knows," comes another voice.

They turn to see Tomas a little way off, sitting cross-legged and floating in midair with his lab coat flared out gracefully behind him. He clasps his hands in his lap and smiles at them, and he's damnably, distractingly pretty…

 _Focus_ , Cecil!

"We're not going to let you get away with this," Carlos says, staring down his floating double. "Surely you must see that?"

"I see that you have to try," Tomas tells him, levelly. "But you're not going to succeed, and I really am sorry about that. It isn't personal. If it's any consolation, things will be _so_ much better once we get the Augmentor going again."

"It isn't any consolation at all!" Cecil interjects. "You're a scientist! How can you think that this insane plan is a good idea?"

Tomas headtilts slightly. "Because it's the greatest scientific endeavour of our time!" he points out, brightly. "I know that's hard for you to see right now, but trust me… it will work out in the end."

"This is so cool!" comes Mish's voice, as she and Chell vault in through a portal from out of nowhere. "Look at us go!"

"Did you find Kevin yet?" Cecil calls to them.

"Not yet," Chell replies. "Still looking!"

And they vault off through two new portals, back into the ether. Tomas gives a little sigh. "Those two seem to be having the most fun. I must learn how to do that once all this is over. I bet those long-fall boots wouldn't be hard to reverse-engineer…"

He's interrupted as the librarian-penguin gives a squawk and charges, bursting past Cecil and Carlos and barrelling straight at Tomas. "…Oh, that's not helpful," the scientist says, and gives a graceful roll backwards, vanishing into the ether as well and leaving the suddenly murderous-looking penguin flapping about in confusion.

It turns – evidently searching for a new target – and headtilts as it looks over at Cecil and Carlos again. But just as it's about to run at them, it gives a little sneeze and transforms into a small raccoon.

"Oh, that's just adorable!" comes Kevin's voice. He paces in from the side – from out of nowhere – with one palm held up and one held down in front of his chest, and the Star Seed floating between the two. Floating and _glowing_.

That can't be good.

"It's a librarian!" Carlos can't help pointing out. "It tried to attack Tomas!"

"Oh, I'm sure my Tomas can deal with a little thing like that," Kevin replies. "Look at it. It's so _cute_!"

At this point, someone falls from high above and lands on the invisible ground with a thump. It's Steve – now thankfully male again, but apparently only two feet tall.

"This is ridiculous!" tiny Steve exclaims, in a high-pitched voice that's even more annoying than usual. "Someone make it stop!"

"Relax, Steve," Kevin says, with a glimmer in his eyes that suggests he finds tiny Steve even more endearing. "It's going to be fine. Just resist the urge to pet the raccoon because – adorable though it may seem – I'm reliably informed it's a librarian."

"I am not enjoying this!" Steve says. "And it's all the World Government's fault, I know it! Sooner or later, it's _always_ their fault. They're probably developing it as a weapon!"

"Ooh, that's a good idea," Kevin replies. "I must suggest it to Strex later on."

At this point, the librarian-raccoon runs at Steve, who squeaks in alarm and races off, vanishing through an invisible wall.

And then the gravity fails. Or ceases to exist… it's hard to be sure. It only lasts for a few seconds, but given that all light also ceases to exist, the disorientation is overwhelming. For a moment that seems to last an eternity – and maybe _does_ – Cecil finds himself floating in a pitch-black void of unimaginable existential weight, holding onto Carlos like he's the last anchor of reality… and then they drop onto a cool, solid surface, as both light and gravity reassert themselves.

"…Oh, I did not enjoy that," Carlos murmurs, as they drag themselves upright again.

"I'm not enjoying _any_ of this," Cecil points out. "And… OK, where did Kevin go?"

Because they're alone again, everyone else having vanished – the lethal librarian-raccoon included.

"I don't know," Carlos replies. "But… I think this place isn't quite as random as it seems."

"You do?"

"Yes. Because right before the gravity went, I was thinking to myself… I wonder what it would be like if the gravity stopped working."

"Oh!" Cecil exclaims. "So… we can manipulate this place?"

"Maybe a little," Carlos replies. "I don't think we can go so far as to say 'I want there to be cake' and… oh, OK, maybe we can!"

For at this point, hovering a little way in front of them… a cake appears. It looks like the one Cecil made at the start of the week; the one from his surprisingly unprophetic dream.

"…Is that one the truth or a lie?" Cecil wonders, staring at it in surprise.

"I don't know," Carlos answers. "But… I'd resist the urge to eat it, just in case."

"Good point," Cecil agrees. "Plus after being around all that blood outside… I'm not sure I ever want to eat again."

And this seems to be a wise standpoint, for at that moment the cake starts to glow, emits a series of yelps, and transforms into a hawk.

"…Oh no, I think it's the librarian!" Carlos exclaims.

The librarian-hawk narrows its eyes at them and launches into flight. "Run!" Cecil shouts.

"No, wait!" Carlos says, turning and facing the creature down, and making Cecil halt in mid-step, worrying what his boyfriend has in mind. "Try the portal emitters. We don't know what effect they might have in here."

"All right," Cecil replies, "on three! One, two…"

"…three!"

They both fire at the same time, bolts of magenta and purple energy hitting the librarian-hawk as it swoops down at them. It freezes in mid-air as if it had flown into a pane of glass, wings spread and resplendent like a heraldic crest, then gives a soul-rending shriek and explodes in a cloud of feathers and light.

"…OK, I did not expect that," Cecil manages.

"Me neither," Carlos agrees. "We should maybe be careful about using these things in here. Although… Chell and Mish's seemed to be working normally… well, _mostly_ normally, and, oh… oh, Cecil, look…"

All around them, the iridescent walls of the sphere of alternate reality seem to be solidifying a little in response to the burst of energy. They still glow and swirl just the same, but there's a definite edge of permanence to them now; like watching water slowly freeze into ice.

"We need to hurry," Carlos says. "This place might be our opportunity to destroy that Star Seed once and for all, but only if we can get it from Kevin… and I think whatever we just did might be causing everything to destabilise."

"We found him!" comes Chell's voice, from the ether – seconds before she and Mish suddenly jump in as if from out of nowhere, landing in matching crouches and rising to their feet in unison, portal guns slung over their shoulders.

"This way!" Mish urges. They both turn, firing their portal guns seemingly into midair, but the portals resolve nonetheless, showing the way through to… somewhere else. It's hard to say for sure where it is, but a chance is a chance – and as Chell and Mish run through, Cecil and Carlos exchange a look and follow them.

They reappear in a space that's a lot like the one they left – right down to the slowly solidifying walls – but in which a figure is standing, Star Seed still floating between his palms.

Kevin.

"Guess what?" he says, staring at them with terrible joy in his void-dark eyes. "You can manipulate this place if you concentrate."

He blinks… and everything starts to darken, shaking as if in anticipation of some oncoming storm… or an approaching subway train. The Star Seed glows brighter and brighter, rotating slowly between his palms as if it had already become an actual star – albeit an even more miniature one.

Maybe it's the terror that suddenly makes everything go calm. Maybe it's an awareness of the fleeting nature of reality. Maybe… it's just the moment Cecil finally works it out.

"You're right," he says. "You can."

He flings out his arms… and all at once the space is filled with at least half a dozen more people who look the same. Who look… just like him.

Carlos looks stunned. Kevin – for once – looks alarmed.

"Get the Star Seed!" Cecil calls, and his new doubles charge. Of course, they're not actually real – not in a _real_ sense – and once Kevin works out that he can just swipe his hand through them to make them disappear, it does even the odds back down somewhat.

But it distracts him. It distracts him, and makes him move one hand away from the Star Seed, and as one of the doubles charges, another follows at the same time – except that this isn't a double.

It's Cecil. He knocks the seed from Kevin's grasp and throws it out to Carlos. The shift in concentration causes the last of his imaginary doubles to dissolve into smoke, but not before Carlos has caught the seed with a triumphant grin.

"I won't let you stop me this time!" Kevin declares, starting towards him. "No matter how deliciously perfect you are! Aperture will never harness the power of this thing."

"But you're forgetting the crucial point, Kevin," Carlos replies. "Aperture doesn't want to. We just want it gone!"

And as Kevin gets close, Carlos throws the Star Seed out to Cecil again. "Destroy it!" he shouts. "Imagine a way and then do it, before it's too late!"

Cecil catches the dark purple ball – just – and throws it straight upwards, the idea forming all at once; the mental picture reaching out to this pocket of alternate reality and bidding it to obey.

Kevin turns and leaps at him, just as the Star Seed begins to drop back down again – and just as Cecil swipes upwards to hit it as hard as he can.

The seed explodes like a piñata, cracking in two and then collapsing into a great shower of multi-coloured confetti, which rains down onto Cecil and Kevin as they both crash into each other and fall to the floor. The second they do, the whole Alternate Reality Zone seems to finish solidifying all at once, and explodes in a much-larger mirror of the Star Seed, bursting into a multitude of glowing crystal shards, like a mountain of iridescent broken glass.

And… everyone drops to the floor of the reading room. It's dark and quiet, filled with the usual tables and chairs, but covered in the crystallised fragments of alternate reality.

Carlos is the first to rise to his feet. "…Well, I didn't expect that…" he manages, clutching onto a chair to stay upright.

"…Oh, this is starting to become a habit," Kevin murmurs, extricating himself from Cecil and scrambling away, looking around in confusion. "You broke the Alternate Reality Zone! And destroyed my Star Seed! What did I ever do to you?"

"You tried to take over our town!" Cecil retorts, pulling himself upright and staggering over to Carlos, relieved to see his boyfriend is all right. "And turn it into more of this insane place!"

"…I hate my life…" comes a murmur from a sprawled figure, who turns out to be Steve. He drags himself to his feet – thankfully back to his normal height and still somehow wearing that _ridiculous_ hat – and then reaches to help Tomas stand too.

"Are you two OK?" Kevin asks, looking over at them, with genuine concern in his eyes that just makes it all the more creepy.

"I think so," Tomas replies. "That's the important thing, right?"

Kevin sighs. "Right. But I'm the one who's going to have to explain to Strex how we lost their Star Seed _and_ destroyed their Alternate Reality Zone!"

"Ah, but I'm their Chief Scientist," Tomas reminds him, with a grin. "Don't you worry. I'll dazzle them with complex physics and before you know it, they'll think this was a good thing."

Kevin sighs again, but rather more happily this time. "I don't know what I'd do without you," he says. "Or you, Steve. We'd never have gotten this far without your help."

"…Would you three like to be alone?" Cecil manages, fighting the urge to facepalm.

"Actually, yes," Kevin says. "Tomas, Steve, you should both come back to my place. I have several bottles of _Chateau de la Nuit_ wine that I can hear calling to me. Not literally, though, 'cause that doesn't happen anymore now I've had my chakras aligned."

Tomas claps his hands together happily. "Ooh, sounds lovely!" He puts an arm around Steve, who jumps somewhat at the contact, looking nervous again. "We could even play a game or two. I am just _dying_ to teach you guys Strip Twister…"

Carlos puts his hands over his ears and buries his head in Cecil's chest – which means he's saved from the truly wicked grin that crosses Kevin's face at the suggestion. Cecil, however, has no such luck and is left with a series of mental images that stubbornly refuse to fade.

At this point – thankfully – he remembers what they've all missed. "Wait," he says. "Where are Chell and Mish?"

As if on cue, a pair of portals appear on the back wall, and Chell and Mish vault through, landing side by side. Their portals dissolve behind them as they do, but for a second Cecil glimpses something through them: glittering purple light and something further off, in a distant sky; something dark and turbulent and lit by no sun.

"Whoa!" Mish exclaims. "That was _seriously_ awesome!"

Chell looks around at them all. "How long's it been for you guys?"

"Uh… maybe a couple of minutes?" Cecil replies. "Where were you?"

"When the zone collapsed… we appeared somewhere else," Chell explains. "No idea where. It was a bit like being in Aperture, if Aperture was completely silent and made of purple crystal. Took us _weeks_ to work out how to escape."

"Weeks?" Carlos repeats. "You've been gone for weeks?"

"Uh… thirty-seven days," Mish answers. "But it was _so_ cool, and I think we might have met some kind of aliens or spirits or deities or something, 'cause we weren't alone in there and…"

"Mish!" Chell says, suddenly urgent. "Remember the vow!"

"Uh… yes, yes, right," Mish replies, going quiet.

A strange and confusing silence descends for a moment, and then Kevin claps his hands together. "Well, if we're all done breaking science, reality _and_ my chances of surviving my next meeting with the Strex Management Board – thanks for that, by the way – perhaps now would be a good time to vacate the premises before the other librarians realise we're here?"

"For once," Cecil says, begrudgingly, "I agree."

***

It takes a little while for them to extricate their cars from the twisted pileup against the hydrant, outside the library. None are too badly damaged, but they're all going to need some work, not to mention a very, very thorough cleaning.

Wheatley is not exactly in a good mood when they get back, given that he's spent all this time stuck on the roof of Steve's car, caught in the light shower of blood from the broken hydrant. But he perks up a little when Kevin promises he can still come along with them, and that they’ll take him to meet DORiS tomorrow.

"But will she like me?" he worries, as Steve puts him back inside the car.

"Of course!" Kevin insists. "Who wouldn't?"

Chell, standing a little way off, just shakes her head and doesn't comment.

"Well, guys, it's been a joy, truly it has," Kevin says to Cecil and Carlos, as they all prepare to head off. "Let's maybe keep it a little longer 'til next time, though. I think my sanity would benefit from the break."

"Kevin, if you're worried about _your_ sanity, think how we must feel!" Cecil exclaims.

"Oh, Cecil, I'm going to miss you too," Kevin replies, failing to grasp the point. Or perhaps just choosing not to. "And you, Carlos. I'm still up for some of that growly making-out against a wall if you are…"

"Will you stop it?!" Carlos exclaims. Tomas, on the other hand, just grins shamelessly and doesn't seem at all fazed.

"You really can't blame a guy for trying," Kevin says, easily. "Ah well. I'm sure we'll meet again sooner or later. This isn't over, after all…"

***

Tomas insists on driving ("Seriously, Kev, sweetie, let me, you look like you could use a break!") so Kevin's sitting in the passenger seat, watching the world drift by, when his phone rings.

He pulls it out and answers it. "Hey."

"Kevin, it's DORiS. You haven't checked in for a while."

"Oh, sorry about that. Things… didn't go according to plan. The Star Seed got destroyed in a pocket of alternate reality, which then got destroyed as well. So, all in all… it hasn't been a great night."

"Ah, darn it," DORiS replies. "Well, you win some, you lose some. We're going to need something to keep Strex from killing us all, though."

"Yeah, I know," Kevin answers. He's feeling… unusually despondent, and it's not a state of affairs he's used to dealing with.

"Is that DORiS?" Tomas asks. "Can you put her on speaker?"

Kevin nods and does so, holding the phone out. "DORiS, it's Tomas."

"Oh, hello you. Make sure you look after our boy tonight, it sounds like he needs it."

"Consider it a promise," Tomas replies, grinning. "But… I have something that will cheer you both up. You're forgetting… we didn't come out of this empty-handed."

"We didn’t?" Kevin says. "Oh… you mean Wheatley?"

"Wheatley?" DORiS repeats.

"Yeah, he's an Aperture personality core," Tomas tells her. "But he and GLaDOS don't get on, so he asked if he could leave with us. We were hoping you might take him in. Could be a good move… he's bound to know some useful stuff, and he's a cheery little guy to boot."

"Ooh, that could be interesting," DORiS replies. "Bring him over in the morning and you can introduce us."

"Will do," Tomas replies. "But… that isn't what I meant would cheer you up."

"It isn't?" DORiS says.

"Nope," Tomas goes on, looking thoroughly pleased with himself. "You see… I've got a portal gun in the trunk of my car."

DORiS gives a loud cheer, goes briefly silent, then cheers again. "I knew I liked you!" she exclaims. "I promise absolutely no death pits when you come over. Not even a little one as a surprise!"

"I love you too, Dee," Tomas answers, still grinning broadly.

"And I love you," Kevin adds, feeling the relief – and the promise – of this latest development. "I guess I was right. This really _isn't_ over."

"Oh, you bet," Tomas says, eyes darkening. "This has only just begun."

***

It's later, and Kevin stands at his living room window, glass of wine in hand, looking out at the glittering lights of Desert Bluffs. Behind him, Steve is making a series of squeaking noises whilst Tomas explains the rules of Strip Twister, and it's quite adorable to listen to.

And in a moment, Kevin will focus on his guests – his boyfriends? – one hundred percent. He will. But right now… his thoughts are out there. On Strex, Black Mesa, Aperture… Night Vale.

The future. _This isn't over_ , he'd promised, and Tomas had promised him the same.

He doesn't want it to be.

He takes a sip of wine, and sticks his free hand into his jacket pocket, thoughtfully… and jumps when it catches on something. He closes his fingers around the object and pulls it out… and finds himself staring at a small crystal shard, maybe an inch or so long, translucent and iridescent, seeming to glow even though it doesn't actually emit any light.

Oh. It must have fallen in there when the zone exploded inside the library… because what he's looking at is a shard of crystallised alternate reality.

Imagine what a man like him could do with a thing like that…

Kevin smiles. Oh yes. This has only just begun.

***

GLaDOS seems strangely pleased to see Chell when they get back to Aperture. She even lets them straight in to her central chamber, rather than insisting they take the long way around, which worries Cecil a little but turns out not to be a problem this time.

GLaDOS in a good mood is a weird thing. She still threatens their lives, but the combination of the new Star Seed's destruction, Wheatley's apparent defection (and definite departure) and getting Chell back in one piece seems to be an effective combination.

"You can stay over, if you like," GLaDOS says to Mish. "I'll even promise not to set you on fire."

"Wow, I'm touched," Mish replies, grinning. "OK, then. I'll have to get back to Black Mesa in the morning, though. Dee's going to have a fit at how long I've been away. Still… absence makes the heart grow fonder…"

"…And the spikes grow spikier," GLaDOS mutters. "And as for you two," she goes on, looking at Cecil and Carlos, "do try not to break any more science. Much as you are becoming as entertaining as you are annoying, I've learned not to push my luck. So. Maybe take up a new hobby. Something… not science."

"Not a chance!" Carlos says. He's been a lot brighter since they got out of Desert Bluffs – and away from his double – but Cecil is still eager to get his boyfriend home. "You know me and science."

GLaDOS sighs. "I really do. Well. In that case, I'll see you next time you break reality."

And she raises the floor panel back up, lifting them to the surface once more, and casting them back into darkness as the panel locks into place.

Silence.

"…That was quite a night," Carlos manages. "I'm not entirely sure where to begin."

"Seconded," Cecil says. "I think… now would be the time to go home. Before anything else weird happens."

He looks over at his car and gives a little sigh. "I'm going to have to get this poor thing seen to. After I have it industrially cleaned. Feels like I'll _never_ get all the blood off."

"Tell me about it," Carlos replies. "Speaking of which, when we get home I plan to spend _forever_ in the shower. I've been around enough blood and viscera to last a lifetime."

"Now _that_ is a plan," Cecil agrees, with a little shudder at the memories.

"Isn't it just?" Carlos says, grinning and pressing in close, arms wrapped around his boyfriend. "Plus you know… you could join me."

And Cecil smiles. "Best idea I've heard all night."


End file.
